Life... Discombobulated

The Path Ahead

2012-01-23T08:52:00.000-08:00

Hello friends,

The new semester has started and I am finally (after, what?, 7 months???) getting back into a routine. I am a person who likes routine, so although I find my motivation for school a little harder to come by at the moment, I am happy that nearly all of my current life events fit neatly into an excel spreadsheet (only sort of kidding).

This weekend, I deviated from the plan a little and got some much needed R&R on Saturday instead of my usual morning long run. I slept in until 11:30 *gasp* then got dressed and headed downtown to watch the Mizzou vs. Baylor men's basketball game over a giant beer with friends. Yesterday, I made up my long run and was up bright and early to crank out the 6 miles ("long" runs are always relative - in a couple of months, I'll be up to 10 and 12 milers while my friends are running 18's and 20's, so I'm enjoying the 6's while I can). It was one of those really great runs where you get lost in thought and the miles sort of fly by. On the run, I realized: I haven't really taken much time to think lately. I haven't taken a lot of time to reflect on 2011 or to think about the things I really want for 2012. I have been so busy dealing with the circumstances life has thrown at me over the last few weeks (or, for that matter, last several months!), that I failed to take the time to regroup and refocus. Usually, I like to do that as a year winds down and a new one is still new. But, I figure, it's never too late, and now is as good a time as any.

So, as I soaked up the hour of me time, I made a few decisions:
1. I'm not yet entirely sure of the general direction I want to take my life in 2012.
2. I think I have a WORD for 2012 (but I'll write more about that later).
3. There are a few things that I know with certainty I want in 2012. Goals if you will.

I want to put more emphasis on my relationships with family and close friends.
I want to attend a Bengali language school in the summer (preferably the one in Dhaka).
I want to write a successful grant application that allows me to get back to Bangladesh and back to research ASAP.
I want to submit 2 papers for publication this year (a decent number for a grad student, I think).
I want to run a sub 2:10 half marathon in Lincoln on May 6th.

The last four are more tangible and also have very obvious steps that need to be taken in order to accomplish these goals. The first, however, is a bit more abstract. It's something that I hope to write more about later this week after I've given it some more thought. I also plan to write a little more about my running goal when the time is right and when I've settled on a definite training plan.

I know that there are many more things I want to accomplish in 2012 and I know that at the end of the year, I want to feel like the intentions I set for myself in January (or February - whatever) have led me down a path that feels authentic to me. I don't want to flail through the year, dealing with one thing after the next, without a path ahead to guide me.

Are you someone who likes routine? Or are you a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of person? Do you take time (at the end or beginning of a year, on your birthday, or whenever) to set some goals or intentions for the future?

In Defense of Books (you know... the ones made of paper...)

2012-01-15T12:25:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I own a Kindle. I bought it in preparation for my trip to Bangladesh at the end of last summer. I bought the simplest version available (for $114) because I wanted it to be as much like reading a book as possible and didn't want to be distracted by email notifications, etc. while reading (imagine my annoyance when, just 1 month later, Kindle announced their even simpler version for a much simpler $79...). And it works out pretty well. I can read a book with no e-Distractions from my e-Reader. There are many other positives that come from having a Kindle (or any other e-Reader): it's small, packs easily, it's easy to hold and I can "turn the page" with one hand, it's wonderful for travel because it allows me to take a number of books along on a trip without taking up much space and if I run out of books to read, I can download a new one as long as I have some form of internet.

As a person who travels often, for long periods of time, and to non-English speaking countries, I really can't do without the Kindle. But... Do I love it? Well, I have read 15 books on my Kindle since August, and not one of them made my Favorite Books of 2011 list.

I don't love it, but I couln't quite put my finger on why I didn't. ... until our recent trip to Sanibel, that is... One of the first orders of business for my mom and I on the trip was to stop at Sanibel Island Bookshop for some new beach reads. (Quick plug: this place is the absolute BEST! The women that work in the shop will spend 30 minutes with you, talking about books that they've loved and books they think you'll love, based on what you've enjoyed in the past. In fact, 4 of the 6 books on my favorites list came from this bookshop during last year's vaccation!) As I was browsing the books, trying to pick out some new favorites, IT HIT ME: the Kindle is great, but I just don't connect to books when I read them on my e-Reader. I'm a totally visual and tactile person and there's just something about the feel of a book in my hands and the emotional connection to the cover art that draws me into a book and lets me escape. I don't like walking through a bookshop and not recognizing books that I've read just weeks earlier. I like noticing a book I've read and feeling the love that I felt for it when I closed the cover 10 months ago come rushing back to me (I feel the same way when I see my favorite perfume - I know... I'm strange). I get that with paper books. I don't get it with Kindle books. Plus, BONUS, I love the way all of my paper books look stacked on my bookshelves! I'm sorry, Kindle. I like you, but I don't love you...

Here is a list of some of the Kindle books I read that I think I would have loved if I'd read the paper versions:

Sara's Key (I know, I know. I should probably buy the paperback and read it again because this is one great book).
The Paris Wife I could love this book for the cover alone! It's not a super happy or warmandfuzzy book, but it's a good one, nonetheless.
How to Love an American Man As a moderate feminist, I thought I was going to hate this book. But, for anyone still looking for love, or just looking for a good, heart-warming (and true!) story, this book is a must read.
The Soldier's Wife If you read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society and loved it (like I did), you'll love this one, too. Or, if you enjoy historical fiction (with a slightly "love-y" twist), this is a good read.
Joy For Beginners. I liked this one a lot, but would have had stronger feelings (I'm quite sure) about the paper version.

And here's a book that I got from Sanibel Island Bookshop and read in a day and a half:

Here's another "If you loved Guernsey, you'll love this one" book. So... Like I said, I read this in less than two days. Then, I ran right back to the bookstore to get Jio's first book, The Violets of March. They didn't have the book for sale, though, but they did have an Advanced Reader's Copy that the author had sent to the bookshop but it wasn't for sale. The woman working in the bookshop handed me the book and said, "Here. Read it and bring it back when you're done." But I was leaving the next day. So, she said, "Well, just bring it back next time you visit Sanibel." FOR REAL! That happened! I can't wait to read it... (and then take it back next year).

So... These are my two cents. I know some of you (mom) to whom I would never DARE give an e-Reader as a Christmas gift and I know others of you who LOVE your e-Readers. To each their own.

Will I stop using my Kindle? Definitely not. When I take long trips, it will be my go-to reader. But, for the majority of the year, when I'm reading in the comfort of my own bed, paper books with their bright, dreamy covers are where it's at for me...

What camp are YOU in? Good, old-fashioned paper books? Or e-Reader all the way?

A Year of Ups and Downs

2012-01-02T12:46:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends,

Well, it's official. 2011 is gone and 2012 is already a couple of days underway. I very much hope that you all had a couple of nice, restful weeks and enjoyed some time with family and friends.

While my 2011 was full of lots of ups,

Sanibel, FL

Montpellier, France

Kennebunkport, Maine

Matlab, Bangladesh

Chiayi, Taiwan

Montreal, Quebec

Lincoln, NE

unfortunately, my family ended the year with some sad news. On Friday morning, December 30th, my aunt (my mom's sister) Annette passed away. As you can imagine, this has been a difficult time for our family. We have been so lucky, though, to have each other and to have the support of some really outstanding friends. If you are the praying type, please keep my uncle, who lost his loving wife of over 30 years, my cousins, who lost a loving mother, and my mom, who lost her sister, in your prayers.

Thank you all and a very Happy New Year.

Single at Christmas

2011-12-21T11:09:00.000-08:00

I've got Christmas spirit coming out my ears right now, friends. The tree is up, the house is decorated, presents are being wrapped, I've made my shopping list for cookie ingreedients, christmas music is playing, and I have drunk an inordinate amount of Candy Cane Lane tea (that stuff is good - now, could someone get me a ~~bottle~~ glass of red wine?). I'm happy to be home for the holidays and to be getting ready to celebrate and say goodbye to the last crazy (but usually great!) year.

(Yes, the bottom 1/3 of our tree is nearly bare. This is because someone can't be trusted with low-hanging lights and ornaments...)

However, it seems like everyone and their brother is getting engaged/married/pregnant right now and, I'm not going to lie, as a single lady ("all the single ladies...") at the holidays, it's not always easy to watch friends run off with the person of their dreams, while I'm still waiting for mine to come sweep me off my feet. You might guess that I've been down in the dumps, wishing the holidays away, becoming bitter, drinking myself to sleep and eating myself into a food coma - ok, maybe that's a little extreme... But, I'm not! I'm perfectly fine. In fact, I'm better than fine. I'm actually sort of HAPPY to be single right now.

Let's get real for a moment, folks. For the last 5 years (except for that one year where I broke up with a certain someone 2 weeks before Christmas - that sucked), while Christmas time has been wonderful, it's also been filled with the stresses that come with being in a serious-but-not-super-serious relationship. First of all, I'm the kind of person who racks her brain for WEEKS, trying to come up with the PERFECT present for the person I'm dating. It should be just the right amount of expensive, thoughtful, meaningful to him, and should make me appear to be the best girlfriend in the entire world. Then, once said gift is found, I scour the aisles of Target to pick out the exactly perfect wrapping paper and bow. (Raise your hand if you think I need to get a grip.) Wow. Second, when you're in a serious-but-not-super-serious relationship, your significant other is bound to want to see you on Christmas Day. This is, of course, lovely, but also requires a whole heck of a lot of planning and coordinating. It also means that both parties inevitably have to split time with their families. Finally, holiday time usually makes everyone who is in a serious-but-not-super-serious relationship wish and hope that very soon the "-but-not-super-serious" gets dropped from the relationship status. That's not stressful, is it?

This year, with all of those stressors gone, I'm focusing my energy on enjoying my close friends and family. I have extra money to spend on my chubby little nephew and other family members' gifts. I have the entire day of Christmas to spend lazing around with said family, being as informal as I want (hold onto your hats, family!), maybe going to a movie with my mom and sister, and just generally soaking up as much family Christmas love as possible. I figure that, as the years pass, the chance that I'll be snatched up by a wonderful fellow, who is willing to put up with my crazy and follow me to obscure locations around the world, increases exponentially (duh). So, I should enjoy this holiday, when I have no commitments to anyone but myself, my family and my close friends. And that's exactly what I'm doing! I'm enjoying the crap out of it.

I hope very much that you are all having a wonderful holiday season as well and that Christmas cheer has taken you over and subsequently shoved plenty of butter- and sugar-laden cookies down your throats.

Oh, and please spread the word: I am currently taking applications for New Years Eve dates. The pile of applicants is getting pretty tall, but I'm still willing to consider more. (I mean, let's not go crazy with all of this "I love being single around the holidays" stuff.)

Now, someone turn up the Christmas music and bring me that wine!

Merry Christmas to all...

Love, Katie

Reflecting on 2011: My Favorite Books

2011-12-12T19:31:00.000-08:00

Hello, all. Well, it's a Monday night. I worked and ran errands all day, went to a killer (but so fun) Ashtanga yoga class tonight, and am now watching White Christmas with a glass of red wine while I cuddle up to a bowl of this soup. (This is some of the best soup I've had in a while and, bonus, it sort of doubles as a comfort food that is also healthy.) I don't have a whole lot of interesting stuff to tell you tonight. I have been very un-exciting lately. I've been working a whole lot, seeing friends in Columbia, trying to brainstorm an amazing, earth-shattering idea for a dissertation topic, getting back into the swing of exercise things, and just generally readjusting to life in Columbia (right before I leave for the holidays...).

I've also started to reflect a little on the last year. I love Christmas time and all that comes along with it, but one of my favorite things about December is that, as it brings the year to an end, it allows me an opportunity to think about all that has happened over the year. I like to spend time thinking about the good and the bad, what I've done well and what I might have done differently, things I'd like to leave behind in the upcoming year and lessons I've learned that I'd like to carry with me into the new year. As I was thinking a little about 2011 the other day, I realized that one thing I did very consistently throughout the year was read. I love to read and always have. But it is something that one can let slip very easily as a graduate student. I mean, so much of my homework involves reading academic articles and it's not hard to convince myself that the last thing I want to do in my leisure time (i.e. the 10 minutes before bed) is more reading. But, back in January, I stocked my bookshelves and made an effort to read for fun every night before bed. I'm happy I made the effort. I ended up reading a lot of great books this year (and a few that were just so-so), so tonight, I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you.

1. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

This was the first book I read in 2011. I am a total sucker for stories set duing WWII. This is the story of a group of neighbors on the German-occupied island of Guernsey and a London-based author who begins corresponding with one of the members of the Guernsey literary society. The entire book is written as a series of letters exchanged among friends and complete strangers alike. When I finished this book, I had a burning desire to start writing letters to friends. I also felt that familiar sadness creep in towards the end, thinking, "I'll NEVER find another book as good as this one!" That's how you know you really liked a book.

2. The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie

So, I actually read this book in 2010 and read its sequel (The Weed that Srings the Hangman's Bag) in 2011. They're both great, but I recommend starting with Sweetness. The series features 10 year-old heroine, Flavia de Luce, who has a passion for poisons of all kinds and for solving mysteries. These books are wonderfully descriptive, fun, funny, and suspenseful. They are a great way to escape. I have already purchased the next book in the series, A Red Herring Without Mustard, and I can't wait to dig in!

3. Love Walked In and Belong to Me

Another pair. These books were wonderful and unique. Cornelia Brown is the main character in each and de los Santos does a fabulous job of weaving all of the characters' lives together, while always keeping Cornelia's story at the forefront. I read Love Walked In immediately after returning from Florida last January and bought Belong to Me as soon as I was finished. These are the kinds of books that made me start to slow down as the end neared. I wanted to savour every last word and make the book last as long as possible because I was just dying to see where Cornelia's life would go next.

4. Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet

Another World War II story. Although, this one is a combination of past and present. It is about a forbidden love between a Chinese boy and a Japanese girl in Seattle just before thousands of Japanese were taken away to internment camps (of sorts) in the US. As an old man who has just lost his wife, the Chinese man remembers and reflects on his childhood love. I smiled, I cried, I couldn't put it down.

5. The Help

Do I really even need to introduce this book to you? By now, many of you will have read the book and probably more have seen the movie. But, if you haven't read the book yet, do it. Do it, like, yesterday. In fact, stop reading this blog right now and go out and buy it. I promise I won't be offended. This was one of my favorite books of all time. I literally cannot wait until Kathryn Stockett writes her next book. This story was so engaging and vivid, I felt like I knew Skeeter (and like I wanted to punch Hilly in the face). I think it took me 4 nights to read the entire book - and the last night I stayed up until 3 in the morning to finish. This is a story of friendship, dreams, and bravery.

Have you read any of these books? What did you think? What were your favorite books in 2011? I've got to start building up my library for 2012...

Home At Last...

2011-11-28T19:33:00.000-08:00

You know what's a really bad idea when you're really tired? Go out to a coffee shop (in public) under the guise of "working," order a big cup of caffine, then listen to Maroon 5's "Moves Like Jagger." Trust me. You will embarrass yourself. In public.

Anyway... After the whirlwind that was the last 3 months, I am finally in one place for more than 2 days. That's right. The international travel portion of this year's programming has come to an end. It ended last week with a quick trip to Montreal for an anthropology conference. In case anyone is counting, that was my 4th time zone in less than 3 weeks. Luckily, the conference went well. I managed to remember enough proper English to deliver a mostly unflawed presentation and also managed to stay awake enough to spend time with some really freaking cool people and not come across as the brain dead person that I felt like. And as tired as I was (and am now), it was definitely worth it.

Pictures from Montreal.

I wish I had something terribly profound to say to you all about all of the experiences that I've had over the last few months. But, honestly, the one thing that stands out for me the most is how important other people are. The places I've been are wonderful, but the people I've met and the relationships I've built have made the biggest difference in my life. And being away always, always gives me an even greater appreciation for the people I love (and who love me) at home. It's no secret that I was having a hard time with the idea of my trip ending, but the hugs on the other end of the 24 hour travel adventure helped ease me back in to home. In the spirit of Thanksgiving (I'm a little late to the game here...), let me just say how very thankful I am for my family and close friends. I would never, ever be the person I am without their (your!) love and support. I am also thankful for all of the opportunities I've had over the last year and the experiences that have come out of them.

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it) and are ready for the upcoming holiday season. I am certainly happy that I'll be spending my holidays with my wonderful family. Including this guy...

From Bangladesh to Taiwan

2011-11-09T00:03:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday night at 10:30, a van picked me up from the student apartment in Dhaka and 22 hours later, I arrived in Taiwan. The trip was rough. When I reached Taipei, I was running on less than 2 hours of sleep, had been through 4 airports, and had spent WAY too much time with my overstuffed luggage. Nick met me at the train station and when he rounded the corner at Starbucks, I have never been more happy to see any one person in my life. I was so relieved, I actually started crying!

I had just gone from a country where I was finally starting to get my bearings and feel comfortable to one where I hadn't been in 3 years. I was just starting to get used to wearing a salwar kameez and starting to get comfortable using Bangla, then entered a country where less is often more in terms of clothing and I had forgotten nearly every word of the language. Roslyn and I joke that in our brains, there are two boxes for language. The boxes are titled "English" and "Other." Well, before Bangladesh, my "Other" box was mostly filled with Chinese, with a few Spanish words thrown in. Upon arrival in Taiwan, I discovered that, save for a few desperate hangers-on, all of the Chinese words had been pushed out to make room for the Bangla. Shit.

So, basically, I went from this:

And this:

To this:

And this:

Sheesh. Talk about culture shock! I'm just thankful I didn't go directly back to the US... My head might have exploded.

Anyway, I've been in Taiwan for 6 days now and I leave tomorrow (Thursday) to go home to the US. I've been spending my time visiting old friends, visiting some of my favorite places, and eating some amazingly good food. I visited the school I used to teach at and saw some of my old students (who are now in 6th grade and SO TALL!). I am going to have a hard time leaving tomorrow. The last couple of weeks I have been riding an emotional rollercoaster, and there are a few more ups and downs to face in the next 36 hours. I was so sad to leave Matlab and Bangladesh. So sad to leave Roslyn and all of the new friends I made there. But I was excited to come back to Taiwan and have been so happy to see all of my friends here. Tomorrow, I will be so sad to leave, but will be really looking forward to seeing all of the people I love at home and getting some rest. When I fly into Kansas City tomorrow night, I will have literally gone around the world! From Kansas City to Chicago to Dubai to Dhaka to China to Taipei to Japan to Dallas to Kansas City. Phew.

Ok. I've got some green tea to drink. See you all on the flip side...

Winding Down

2011-10-28T02:29:00.000-07:00

As of today, I have one week left in Bangladesh. I honestly can't believe how fast these 9 (almost 10) weeks have gone by. At the beginning, 10 weeks felt like an eternity. Then, a month in, when we were getting ready to leave for Matlab, 5 weeks seemed a little scary. And now, as I'm starting to say goodbye to friends and make final visits to places in Matlab that I have loved for the last 5 weeks, I am having a hard time figuring out where all of the time went. And I have had to fight back the tears more than once when I've thought of how few days are left now.

On Tuesday, Sabrina and I took our final interviews. Today, we took our last boat trip. The two of us, along with Roslyn, went to our boatman's home for lunch and to visit with his family. We were there for several hours - we were force-fed really good food (force-feeding is a sign that you are cared for), had some mehindi done on our hands, sang a few songs, and took a bunch of pictures. Our boatman had told Sabrina and I before, and his wife told us today, that they think of us as daughters. When it was time to go, a group of 10 women walked us back to the boat and waited, waving, until we were out of sight. As we said goodbye to our cha-chi (auntie - the boatman's wife), there were tears in her eyes, and when our boatman, cha-cha (uncle), dropped us off and we told him "many, many thanks" he was getting a bit emotional.

The boatman and his family: daughter and grandson, 10 year old son (in the back), and wife

The beauty of Matlab is breathtaking. Coming home from interviews on the boat while the sun sets over the river is one of the awesomest experiences in my life so far. But the people are what make this place. For me, there is something special about riding down the street on a rickshaw and getting waves from the laundry guy and "bhalo asen?" (are you good?) from the ICDDR,B office guy. Or heading out for interviews on the boat and having Shodhagor women smile, wave, and ask where we're going that day. Or walking into the staff canteen at ICDDR,B for lunch and seeing friendly faces all around. The people are kind, welcoming, and always so happy to see Roslyn and I (it's also true that we're pretty easy to pick out of a crowd...).

Shodhagor woman cooking on her boat

Maybe it's the city girl in me embracing this sense of community. Or, maybe feeling such warmth so far from home makes it seem all the more special. Sometimes, it can be hard for me to believe that after only 5 weeks, I could mean so much to an old man that he would be so sad to say goodbye to me. But, then again, he meant that much to me. So many of the people here have.

The women of the boatman's family waving goodbye

I came across this quote today that seems to perfectly sum up my feelings about leaving Matlab:

"Nothing is so dear as what you're about to leave."

Doing My Job

2011-10-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say that, right now, I have one of the best jobs in the world. (Or at least it feels that way to me...) I feel bad that I haven't written more about what I'm doing here, but there is so much to write that I never know where to start. Today, I thought I'd just tell you about what I do (and where I go) most days of the week.

First of all, if I haven't explained this before, the area of Bangladesh where I'm doing all of my research is called Matlab (that's an "ahhhh" sound for both a's). It is a rural area just 40+ kilometers southeast of Dhaka, the capitol city. I'm working in Matlab because ICDDR,B, the research hospital that is hosting me and overseeing my project, has been collecting demographic information and conducting amazing health-related research projects in the area for over 40 years. This means that there are many, many resources available to me here, including super helpful people (who go out of their way day in and day out to help me) who tell me where the Shodhagor (river gypsy) groups are located, how I can get there, and who help Sabrina and me hire boats to take us out for our interviews. ICDDR,B also has a wonderful system to help students - they arrange housing and transport for us and give free transport to and from the airport. So, in short, they make my life and my research easier and I am ever so grateful for it.

Roslyn and I (and our two assistants, Fayeza and Sabrina) have been in Matlab for over 3 weeks now and have less than 2 weeks left.

Most days, Sabrina and I go out for interviews with the Shodhagor people. Like I said previously, these people live on their boats in groups of boats that are located in several different places in Matlab and numerous places throughout the rest of Bangladesh. We are focusing our interview efforts on 4 places for which we had pretty solid information from ICDDR,B employees that a number of boats would be present: Charmukundi, which is located very close to the place I'm staying; Kazir Bazar, which is an hour's boat ride away; Nayerga, which is a little farther out and requires a motorized vehicle of some sort to access; and Kawadi, which is the farthest of all and requires a vehicle to Nayerga plus an hour-long boat ride.

The people we're interviewing are almost always on their boats (cooking, cleaning, taking care of children, etc.), so, they are only accessible to us by country boat. If Sabrina and I are going to take interviews at either Charmukundi or Kazir Bazar (our favorite place), our boatman picks us up on the canal that runs just outside of the ICDDR,B grounds. He takes us out to the group of boats, and then he helps us find people to interview. We go from boat to boat, conducting both open-ended interviews, in which we ask about the general lifestyles of the Shodhagor living in the respective group, and close-ended interviews, in which we ask for information specific to the respondent (i.e. how many children they have, how many times per year they move their boats, what they do for work, etc.). An open-ended interview can take around 45 minutes and a close-ended interview can take up to 30 minutes. We try to conduct as many as we can within two or three hours (or for as long as we can manage to sit on the boat), then we head home. Usually, Sabrina spends the rest of the day transcribing the open-ended interviews we've conducted while I check the answers to the close-ended surveys, make notes from the day, and prepare for the next day.

I by no means know enough about these groups of people to make any generalizations. They seem to be quite a bit poorer than the people in the villages, as many of them have reported continuing to live on their boats only because they can't afford to buy land or to build a house. They also have some interesting cultural practices; for example, they often move their house boats once or twice per year, according to the weather because their primary source of income is often men's fishing, and availability of fish in an area changes with the season (rainy vs. dry).

I can say a few things for sure, though... We have met some extremely kind, open, welcoming, and fun-loving people. Every time we pass a boat where we've previously conducted an interview, they smile, wave, and yell "hello" to us. They also like to tease us (politely, of course) and each other, sing, laugh, and have fun. It has been a pleasure and I will be excited to come back for a bigger research project soon.

I can also tell you that the scenery is like nothing I have ever seen before. The rainy season has just ended and everything is lush and green. When we arrived in Matlab a few weeks ago, all of the fields were under water. Now, as the dry season sneaks up on everyone here, the water is receding and the landscape is changing. Luckily, we will be finishing up our interviews just before some of what used to be canals dry up.

And finally, I can tell you with no reservation that some days I fall completely, boundlessly, head-over-heels in love with this place. Wednesday was one of those days. The boat ride was peaceful and beautiful. We had some great interviews and caught a show (haha - video to come later). And for just a little while, on our way home, I laid back (5 hours sitting cross-legged in a wooden boat can do a number on my back), closed my eyes, and felt the breeze all around me. And that was all it took. I was done for. L-O-V-E

This work is never without struggles, but I sincerely hope this is the job I get to do forever.

Defining Myself

2011-10-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

There's something I've been thinking about a lot over the last several months. It has rolled over in my mind about a million times and I've finally decided to write about it...

This summer, in the wake of a particularly difficult breakup, I felt wrecked. I was sad, angry, hopeless, and struggling to rub two ounces of self-esteem together. I was in a downward spiral of self-doubt and having trouble understanding why. In the beginning, I had been so sure that this relationship was the one that was going to go the distance - only to find out two years into it that I was wrong. But, there was more to it than that. What lingered in the background during the second year, while the relationship was failing, and after it ended was the feeling that somehow, I was failing. I wasn't good enough to make it work. Maybe I wasn't caring enough? Or thoughtful enough? Maybe I wasn't compromising as much as I should? Maybe I wasn't pretty enough? Maybe I was too ambitious? Too career oriented? And so on...

After a lot of thought, some help, and a lot of talking to my family and good friends (who, thankfully, never told me to shut my pie hole), I had a bit of a breakthrough. First, I realized that I had felt self-doubt like this before. I won't bore you with all of the details here, but let's just say that an experience with an old coach really did a number on me (it is so not ok for a coach to tell your teammates behind your back that he thinks you're fat/a bad teammate/a bad leader/a bad athlete). Then, I realized that, for a long time, I had been letting other people define who I was. I had taken my coach's words and believed them about myself. All of the nice things that the person I dated didn't say about me became untrue in my mind and all of my fears that went uncomforted became my reality.

As time went on, I started to understand that someone else's definition of me doesn't have to be my definition of myself. That what others think (or don't think) about me may say more about them than it does about me. I understood that a failed relationship didn't mean that I was a bad girlfriend or that I'm irreversibly screwed up. I realized that what really matters is what I think of myself and how I define myself.

So, as I've said, this is something I've been sitting with for a while. And it's something I've waited to put into words because I wasn't quite sure how to say it and, frankly, I was uncomfortable with it. For one thing, the pain is still there. But mostly, this whole "letting other people's opinions become my own" thing really doesn't fit well with the person I had always been. For the first 23+ years of my life, I made a habit of making up my own mind about myself. I never quit something because someone told me I wasn't any good. In fact, rejection was almost an invitation to me; if someone told me I couldn't, I set out to prove them wrong (and almost always did). And it’s true that, when a certain coach suggested that I quit the team, I refused and became ever the more determined to stick it out. But, since then, I have struggled to find joy in a sport that I was once insanely passionate about.

I feel that I know myself pretty well. I know what I want to do with my life, what I like and don't like, and am constantly learning new lessons about myself (foreign countries are great places to do that - like a crash course). But, knowing information about yourself is different from your beliefs about yourself, I think. And I have spent the last 6 years believing certain things about myself because someone I thought I could trust said them about me.

I have thought about writing this blog post for, um, approximately 3 months now. It is rather personal and revealing. But maybe it's something a lot of people struggle with. How often do we let others determine how we feel or think about ourselves? How often do we give up on something because someone else told us we weren't any good? Or, we don't buy a particular outfit because we're worried about what people will think?

For me, it is time for a change. It is time to figure out what, exactly, it is that I believe about myself. And it’s time to let go of these other people’s opinions that I’ve held onto for far too long...

On The River

2011-10-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, a significant portion of my time here in Matlab is spent on a boat, interviewing people who live on their boats. While I originally thought the group should be called "Beday," I found out that Beday is a bit of a derrogatory term and the people prefer to be called Shodhagor, which means "merchant."
As I am currently exhausted from spending almost 5 hours on said boat today, I thought I'd at least share a few more pictures with you. It is so incredibly beautiful here and I have taken SO many pictures already that I had a really hard time finding pictures to share. But, I figured pictures with people are usually best. Enjoy!

Our boat man, who we call "cha cha" (meaning uncle).

This is the boat we ride in every day. It is not super comfortable, but I love it all the same.

Me with a water lilly that our boat man picked for us on his way to pick us up that morning.

Holding an 8 month old Shodhagor baby. He was as sweet as he was adorable.

That's all for tonight... I really hope to be back soon with something more to say.

Until then, take care! Goodnight from Matlab!

First Day in Matlab

2011-10-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

Hello! Now that we're in Matlab, using phone modems for internet access, blog posts take quite a bit of time. So, for now, I thought I'd show you some pictures of our first day here! More pictures to come soon...

Roslyn with Fayeza (her research assistant) and Sabrina (my research assistant) on the bus, heading out of Dhaka

Me and Roslyn on the micro-bus

One view from our daily walk from the guest house to the ICDDR,B offices and canteen where we eat lunch

Another view of the walk - this is a type of fishing hut

My room

The view from the balcony off my room

We Made It!

2011-09-29T11:32:00.000-07:00

Hi all! Just checking in very briefly to let you know that Roslyn and I, and our two research assistants, Fayeza (Roslyn's assistant) and Sabrina (my assistant), have made it to Matlab safe and sound. It is beautiful and quiet here and all of the people I have met so far are so very nice. We had a busy and successful first full day today and tomorrow Sabrina and I will get to go by boat to meet some river gypsies (who are referred to as Shoudhagor, which means 'merchant') and start pre-testing my interview questions. Hopefully, I'll be back soon with a more exciting and in-depth update of the first few days in Matlab. For now, let me just say that I am nervous and really excited - I feel like I'm finally starting the work that I came here to do!

A view of the ICDDR,B campus from our guesthouse - isn't it amazing?

Rolling With the Punches

2011-09-27T05:43:00.000-07:00

Hey friends!

Hard at work at Dhaka University -
working my way through a 700+ page thesis

I know it's been a little while since the last time I posted... Not to worry, everything is perfectly fine. I haven't posted for a couple of reasons. One was that my camera is broken, so I didn't have any pictures to put up. The other is that I had a few rough days, emotionally-speaking, and decided that rather than subject you all to my negative thoughts and feelings, it would be best to just keep quiet for a little while. I know I mentioned this in my last post, but it is really true that every day, we are faced with frustrations and stressors. Some of these are fairly small and inconsequential, while others are bigger and can make me want to run to my room and bury my face in my pillow and pretend the outside world doesn't exist. I'm doing better now, though, AND I bought a new camera yesterday! So, prepare to be visually assaulted with a plethora of pictures between now and November.

Tomorrow, Roslyn and I are supposed to be leaving our apartment in Dhaka at an absurdly early hour to head to ICDDR,B headquarters where we'll meet our two research assistants and make the 5 hour trip to Matlab. However, our trip to Matlab looks a little iffy at the moment. We were told earlier this week that a hartal is possible for Wednesday and maybe Thursday. A hartal is essentially a labor strike, called by the political party not currently in power, which stops a lot of people in the city from working. This especially includes transportation workers of all kinds, which means that if there is a hartal tomorrow, we will have no way to get to Matlab until the hartal is over. During a hartal, some people go to the government offices or Dhaka University to protest and many stay home or walk to work. We had a 24 hour hartal last week - Roslyn and I stayed in all morning then took a very short rickshaw ride over to the American Club where we swam and ate club sandwiches. Very protest-y, don't you think? Keep your fingers crossed for us that we'll be able to make it out of town tomorrow morning. We're going to pack our bags tonight and hope that everything goes as planned. In the mean time, I plan to roll with the punches.

Tomorrow is also my 30th birthday! I've already celebrated in style twice - my roommates and friends here threw me a birthday party last weekend and last night I ate carrot cake at the American Club. I have also received packages and letters from family and friends.

My roommates in Dhaka threw me a bday party!
(Dave, me, Roslyn, Poonum the party planner)

I'm not totally sure how I feel about 30 yet, though... I'll be entering a whole new decade, which feels really crazy, because my 20th birthday doesn't seem like it happened all that long ago. But, I'm also amazed at the ways my life has changed in the last 10 years and all of the lessons I've learned. If someone would have told me 10 years ago that I would be celebrating my 30th birthday in Bangladesh, I think I would have been shocked and excited. I have been a very lucky person in these 30 years, always having been surrounded by a family and friends who love me and who have supported me. So, here's to a great year ahead, full of as much awesomeness as my last 30 years were!

See you from Matlab!

Daily Frustrations and A Little Escape

2011-09-11T05:31:00.000-07:00

Something about international experiences is that they often bring with them plenty of small, daily frustrations. Most days are good, some days are frustrating. Last Thursday, for example, was mostly good, with some meetings, an orientation, and a movie night with new friends. But, I've been battling daily headaches and dehydration, and we found out on Thursday that a) there was still no list of potential research assistants for hire and b) we would have to leave for Matlab (the village where we'll do our research) 3 days later than planned.

Me, Roslyn, and our new roommate, Poonum at the American Club

Friday, on the other hand, was awesome. Shopping and lunch with friends, some R&R at home, and a par-tay at the American Club. The American Club is a bit of a sanctuary for those who are members. There is a swimming pool, tennis courts, a restaurant and a couple of bars, a workout room, and a small library and video rental room. We were there to drop off Roslyn's membership application on Friday when we found out they were hosting a party that night. Admission was $25, which is pretty freaking steep on a student budget, but my, oh my was it ever worth it. We wore our American clothes, listened to music, watched people dance, and sipped on gin and tonics (women aren't allowed to drink out in public in Bangladesh). It was so nice to feel a bit of home again and feel a temporary escape from daily life.

Today, Roslyn and I had our first day of a two-week intensive Bangla language course. The class was great, however, we were under the impression it would last until 1:00 or 1:30, but instead class is in session until 2 p.m. every afternoon. After class, we had some administrative issues to deal with. These things would normally not be a problem, but we didn't pack any food for lunch and had only shared the snack I packed, and we got stuck in traffic just a few blocks from our apartment because we hit one of the wealthy gradeschools just as the children were letting out for the day. We came home starving, sweating, only to find out that the air conditioner in my bedroom is broken and won't be fixed until tomorrow. These are very small, insignificant things under normal circumstances, but added altogether and added to the daily challenges of communication and getting from place-to-place, we were both feeling more or less stressed to the max.

Luckily, our apartment also serves as a bit of a sanctuary. It is quiet, cool, and the one place we're able to go to really decompress and relax. In these first couple of weeks, it is a sanity saver, for sure!

I remember experiencing all of these feelings when I was first in Taiwan, as well. Some days are great, other days are really difficult, and every day you're faced with some amount of frustrating or stressful situations. The keys to getting through these days and situations, in my opinion, are to remain as calm as possible (a real test of patience) during the situation, and take some time alone with a book or a magazine or, my personal favorite, laying sprawled out across the bed doing nothing at all.

A Little Bit of Peace

2011-09-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

Something I have found so interesting on this trip so far is the way in which I have been experiencing this brand new place. As I've sort of suggested before, Dhaka is a crazy, crazy place. It is one of the most densely populated cities in the world with over 20 million people living within its boundaries. It is loud (horns honking ALL the time), some of the streets are dirty, traffic has no real rhyme or reason (and that is putting it very mildly), and there are just literally people everywhere. (I will spare you pictures for my mother's sake...) But - and I'm serious when I say this - even though it seems like the cultural differences are shoved in my face every second that I am outside of the apartment, it is rare that I have the "holy sh*t, I'm on the other side of the world" feeling. Once we step out the front door, we are participants in the craziness and we immediately go about the business of getting from point A to point B as efficiently as possible. There have been other moments, though, in which I totally and completely understand that I am in a very different part of the world.

One of those moments happens several times a day - call to prayer. Almost 90% of the people in Bangladesh are Muslim and 5 times a day, at prescribed times, the call to prayer is sung into a loud speaker at every mosque in the country. The song is beautiful and, honestly, a bit unnerving (although, not really in a bad way). It is a reminder to me that I am somewhere I've never been before, experiencing a brand new culture. Another moment came last night, while Roslyn and I and our new friend Jon, who is another student researcher at ICDDR,B, were out on the river.

Jon, Roslyn, and I at the sari factory, with two of the sari weavers

If Dhaka is the equivalent of someone making you walk the plank into the middle of the ocean, the river cruise we took last night was laying on a sunny, sandy beach, letting waves of calm wash over you. That sounds a little dramatic, doesn't it? I don't say any of this to mean that I don't like it here, just to mean that in the day-to-day craziness, it's easy to focus so much on managing life and miss the culture that's going on all around. Being on the boat, on the river, forced us to relax and allowed us to take in everything around us.

The cruise took us to the north of Dhaka, with smaller villages on either side. We made a stop at a famous Bangladeshi sari factory (if you can call it a factory, I suppose... all of the saris are weaved by hand and it can take up to 6 months to make one, depending on how intricate it is). It was an amazing sight to see. I actually bought a really beautiful blue sari, which I will be sure to post pictures of when I finally wear it.

Roslyn and I enjoying the sunset.

After that stop, we rode north for a couple of hours, enjoying the sunset, watching people cross the river in smaller rowboats, watching fishermen at their nets, and admiring the peace and quiet of it all. When we got to the turn around point, the captaion put down the anchor and started a fire in the grill to barbeque some chicken for dinner.

It was a wonderful experience, and it made me feel even more excited to finish up here in Dhaka and get to Matlab, the village where we will do our research. For now, though, it was so nice to escape the city for a night and see a different side of Bangladesh.

A Bangladeshi Lunch

2011-09-04T04:53:00.000-07:00

Rockin' one of the new outfits

Well, the holiday is over here and today, people started to return to work (the work week here is Sunday - Thursday). For Roslyn and I, that meant it was time to get the show on the road and get to work on our projects! While we're in Dhaka, one of our main goals is to hire research assistants to take into the field with us. These assistants will work primarily as translators and will help us conduct our interviews. The first step to hiring, though, is to get a list of potential assistants from someone at ICDDR,B (the research institution we are affiliated with), and get copies of their resumes. We were both feeling a little under the weather today, but dragged ourselves out of the apartment into the heat and craziness of the city and made our way to the office. Unfortunately, once we got to the office, there were no list or resumes to be had. The man who usually handles such things was still out of the office on holiday and we were told to come back sometime later (I'm told this sort of thing happens quite often and sometimes it can be difficult to get what you want). While we were in the office, though, we managed to visit several other necessary people and ate lunch at the staff canteen. Given our crappy states (pun intended), we ate some rice and protein and that was about it. We will go back to the office (to show our faces and try to move things along) on Tuesday.

From the left, the sister-in-law, Shifat's husband, Shifat, me

Yesterday, we were invited to Roslyn's friend's house for lunch. Shifat (the friend) worked with Roslyn and my advisor, Mary Shenk, as a research assistant when they were here in Bangladesh last year working on the big project. Shifat was recently married, and so she wanted us to come to her and her husband's new home, and she promised to cook for us. We were both very excited, as we still hadn't had a real Bangladeshi meal! The food was absolutely outstanding! We had some vegetables, potato pancakes (of sort, which were crispy on the outside and had mashed potatoes and meat on the inside - yum!), chicken with a spicy cream sauce, and a sweet rice pudding for dessert. Holy moly. I was stuffed and totally satisfied. The company was also great. Shifat is sweet and very smart and we talked with her for a couple of hours. We (well, really Roslyn since I still know very little of the language) also talked with Shifat's young sister-in-law for a long time. She is probably 12 years old and certainly had a mind of her own! She told us that she wants to join the military when she is older because she wants to do something for the women of her country. Roslyn decided she'd make an excellent professor of Women & Gender Studies.

Eating is an interesting experience here (as are so many other things). Most people eat with their hands, although silverware is usually available, but eating with the left hand is culturally inappropriate. This is tough when eating something like chicken, which we usually use both hands to eat. I did my best to get as much chicken off the bone with my fork in one hand and spoon in the other. Eating with the right hand is especially difficult for Roslyn, because she's a lefty!

Eating Bangladeshi food is also interesting because, apparently, until your digestive system becomes used to it, you can have quite a lot of stomach discomfort. That's the boat we're both in. I was having stomach cramping and making several trips to the bathroom throughout the night (ick), but we've been drinking plenty of Gatorade and are taking it easy for the rest of the day (and probably eating toast for dinner! haha). Neither of us has a fever or any other symptoms of something more serious, so we just have to let this pass. Literally. (you're welcome!)

It looks like we'll be working from home tomorrow, since there is no work to be done in the office for another day or so. It will be nice to have a leisurely day. Then, tomorrow evening, we are going on a river cruise! We will get to tour the rivers of Dhaka and see the sun setting on the river. I am SO excited - it should be beautiful! I will take lots of pictures and report back to you soon.

Until then, I hope all of you, my lovely readers, are doing well. Take care of yourselves!

Two Things I Forgot

2011-09-01T04:27:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

There are two things I meant to mention in the last post. The first is my mailing address here. I know my mom will be the most excited consumer of this information, if you want to send me anything while I'm in Bangladesh for the next 9+ weeks (you know - in case you want to shower me wih gifts for my 30th birthday...), you should mail it soon because it takes 3-5 weeks for mail to reach Bangladesh. Here's the address:

Katie Starkweather
c/o Nurul Alam
HDSU, PHSD
ICDDR,B
68 Shaheed Tajuddin Ahmed Sarani, Mohakhali
Dhaka - 1212
Bangladesh

The second thing I wanted to tell you is that Roslyn (the friend I'm traveling with) also has a blog! You can check out more pictures and info about our trip at http://indianaroz.blogspot.com

That's all for now!

Eid Mubarak (Blessed Eid)

2011-09-01T02:59:00.000-07:00

Well, the first few days in Bangladesh have gone by in a flash! The first two days were spent running errands around town (buing food and clothes, putting minutes on Roslyn's mobile phone) and just generally getting our bearings. Roslyn has spent quite a bit of time in Dhaka (the capitol city) before, so it didn't take long for her memory to be refreshed. Dhaka is a very busy and interesting place - from what I can tell so far - but it seems we picked the perfect time to come.

Rickshaw + driver

Roslyn with her Diet Coke

We arrived at the end of Ramadan, which is the Islamic month of fasting that lasts for 29 or 30 days, depending on the moon and the lunar calander. During this month, participating Muslims (those exempt are children, elderly, sick, or pregnant, to name a few, as well as travellers) refrain from eating or drinking anything while the sun is up (not even a drop of water is allowed). We found that while some people were a little on edge (wouldn't you be, after 28 or so days of fasting???), mostly people were just not as active as usual. This meant there weren't as many people on the roads or out at the stores (save for a couple of exceptions), and it was a good way to ease myself into the cultural experience.

Me on the first day

On Tuesday, however, Roslyn and I decided to venture out to Aarong, a department store of sorts, to look for some more clothes for me. We walked in and were OVERWHELMED (well, probably me more than her). It looked like the mall on Christmas Eve - TONS of people everywhere. The reason for this was that the end of Ramadan is celebrated by Eid, a Muslim holiday when everyone spends time with their families, EATS, and gives gifts. So, just like Christmas Eve, everyone was out on Eid eve, buying gifts and new Eid outfits. It was quite the experience - at one point I actually turned to Roslyn and said, as calmly as possible, "Um... I'm a little ... overwhelmed ... right now." haha But, I managed to find 2 new outfits (for a total of 3), so overall, the trip was a success.

My first outfit (salwar kameez)

At the park on Eid

Yesterday, then, was Eid. All of the shops were closed, and most people in town were at home with their families. Roslyn and I spent the day getting some work done at home, relaxing (jet lag has kicked us both in the butt), and enjoying the AC. We also took a walk over to visit a new student that arrived in town the day before. Luckily, he was up for company, so we sat and talked for a while. He is a med student at Duke (maybe I can parlay this new friendship into some Duke basketball tickets in the future??? haha) and seems to be very nice. It's great to have another student within walking distance of our apartment.

My favorite new outfit!

My first impressions of Dhaka have been good. Dhaka is much busier and more chaotic than anything I experienced in Taiwan, but I think living in Taiwan for a year has certainly helped cushion me from culture shock this time. It will definitely take a while to get used to the clothes (long pants and a scarf are tough when the heat index is near 105 degrees) and the looks from men especially (although I got pretty used to being stared at in Taiwan, too) and it will take a while to catch on to the language, but I am really enjoying myself and looking forward to the next couple of months.

Some very excited girls made friends with us at the park :)

Welcome to Bangladesh

2011-08-29T16:11:00.000-07:00

Hello to everyone from BANGLADESH!!!!!

What a LONG, overwhelming, and exciting past 72 hours!

On Saturday, August 28th, Roslyn and I boarded a plane in Kansas City, Missouri and some 28 hours later touched down in Dhaka, the capitol of Bangladesh. I would love to tell you that my "roughin' it" began on the plane ride over, but that's just not so. The flights from Kansas City to Chicago and from Abu Dhabi to Dhaka were not full, so we ended up with tons of space on each. Also, when we reached Chicago, we checked in with Etihad Airways (the carrier taking us the rest of the way) and were able to (accidentally?) sweet talk the very handsome airline worker into letting us sit together. He was having some difficulty finding two seats together and stopped to think for a moment. Then, with inspiration on his face, he looked up at us and said, "Just a moment!" He came back to announce that he had found us "the very best seats!" Exit row seating!!!!!!!!!!! We had so much leg room, it was ridiculous. On a 14 (turned into 15+) hour flight, you really can't ask for much more. Aside from a dead sprint across the Abu Dhabi airport and an interesting expierence with security (isn't it exciting to see what two American girls have packed in their carry-ons?), the entire experience was as pleasant as any 30+ hour international trip could possibly be!
**Also, I should just mention that every international flight I've taken on a foreign carrier (especially an Asian one) has been about twenty million times better than any international flight on an American carrier. I suppose it's because most of the foreign carriers base their business on international flights, which is obviously not true for United, Delta, or American.
Once we arrived at our student apartment (which is quite posh by Bangladeshi standards, I'm told), Roslyn and I showered, took naps, and held a mini worship ceremony for the French press that Roslyn was so smart to pack. Then, we headed out to deal with mobile phones, find me a salwar kameez (which is the standard dress for a Bangladeshi woman, made up of loose, haram-style pants, a loose-ish fitting tunic, and an orna, or a scarf of sorts that is draped over both shoulders - the picture below is an example), and just generally explore the area.

So... Since I don't have any pictures to share, and since it is currently 5:00 in the morning here (I woke up around 4 and needed to kill some time until I felt tired enough to go back to sleep!), I'm going to save the rest of the first day story for later.
I'll be back soon...

A New Beginning

2011-08-15T16:17:00.000-07:00

Well, friends, August is half way over and summertime is quickly coming to a close (although I have a feeling the heat may pop back up at least once or twice, just for good measure). School starts at Missouri next Monday and normally right now, I’d be mentally preparing myself to head back to school and psyching myself up to start a new semester. But this year, I’m mentally preparing myself for a new, different adventure.

In less than two weeks, I’ll be hopping a plane and leaving the country for almost 3 months. I announced on Facebook, but somehow forgot to mention on the blog, that I found out back in April I received the grant I applied for last spring. This means I’ll be spending the next 2.5 months of my life in a village in Bangladesh, studying a group of nomadic river gypsies. (I know - I can only HOPE it’s going to be as cool as it sounds!)

At this point, I know very little about what life will be like in the upcoming weeks and months. I have no idea what it’s going to be like to interview people who speak a different language. I have very little idea about what I’m going to find out about the river gypsies (but I hope it’s good!). I do know I’ll spend a couple of weeks after I first arrive taking an intensive language course in Bengali language (I currently know NO Bengali…). I know I’ll be buying all of my clothes once I get there, as it is important to dress like a local. I have an idea about where I’ll stay and some of the contacts I need to make when I get there. I also know that I’ll be traveling with a great friend, which frankly eases nearly every fear and calms my nerves quite a bit.

Luckily for me, my friend Roslyn worked as my advisor’s research assistant last year and spent 6 months in Bangladesh. She speaks a little Bengali, knows the lay of the land, and is familiar with the culture. Roslyn is going back to complete her dissertation research and we both managed to get grant money and arrange to go at the same time.

The purpose of my research will be to conduct as many interviews as possible and learn as much as I can about the group of people I’m studying. I hope to be able to use the info I get to write a grant for more money to go back and complete a formal research project for my PhD dissertation.

After 9 weeks in Bangladesh, I’m taking a quick, 5-day trip to Taiwan to see some friends (and hopefully some of my old students) before I come home. I am equally as thrilled for this trip. I have missed my friends for the last 3 years and have been trying to figure out how to get back to visit since I left.

After I get back to the States, I’ll have a short 6-day turn around time in which to get back to Columbia, unpack, rest up, take care of some school business, see friends before the Thanksgiving break, and then repack for a trip to Montreal, Canada. The annual American Anthropological Association conference is in Montreal and I will again be presenting my thesis work (the polyandry paper). Then, it’s off to Iowa for my friends’ wedding before going home to Lincoln and sleeping for a week straight! Haha

To tell you the honest truth, I feel pretty overwhelmed by all I have to get done in the next couple of weeks and all of the traveling over the next several months, but I’m also really excited! The reason I went into Anthropology was because of my love for travel and my interest in learning about other people and cultures. This trip feels like the first step towards becoming a “real” anthropologist! It’s what I’ve been taking classes for and preparing for over the last few years. It’s a chance to follow my dream.

(All photos courtesy of my advisor, Dr. Mary Shenk)

Scenes from Maine

2011-07-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

There are two places in this world that I love with my whole heart: Sanibel and Maine. Sanibel is calm, slow, and quiet. It is somewhere to go and escape life - to experience the true meaning of relaxation. Maine is different. It isn't at all hectic, fast, or loud, but is somewhere to live a life. There are mountains and beaches, forests and rivers, vacation homes and homes where families live all year. It is beautiful in expected and completely unexpected ways. Enjoy...

French Lessons

2011-07-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

When I came up with this title, it occurred to me that it would be an excellent book title. All I have to do is take a year off from school, move to the South of France and have tons of crazy life experiences that I can form into a book. No prob. Of course, when I googled this potential book title, I found that only a bazillion authors have already used it. Darn. I guess I'll have to come up with a new one...

Aaaaanyway... I've been back home for a few days now and have been trying to get caught up on sleep, get back in the correct time zone, and digest everything that happened over the last week and a half. To be honest, I'm not totally sure where to begin. What I can say, though, is that every trip I take seems to provide me with a number of opportunities to learn important life lessons. Maybe, instead of recounting the trip moment by exciting moment, I will share with you a few of the lessons I learned (or at least I hope I learned...).

1. Travel can be stressful. Losing your cool won't help anything. In order to get to my final destination (Montpellier, France), I had to go through what seemed to be a major ordeal. Drive to Omaha, fly to Minneapolis, fly to Amsterdam, fly to Marseilles, France, bus from Marseilles airport to train station, train to Montpellier, cab to bed and breakfast. Phew. I'm exhausted just typing that! And the way home was more of the same. At times, I found myself thinking things like, "What if I don't make my flight to Amsterdam? What will I do then?" Or, "I freaking HATE sitting in the middle seat!!!!!!!!!!!" Or, "What happens if I get to Marseilles or Montpellier and no one speaks any English?" But then I remembered that stressing out wouldn't do me any good. If I missed a flight, I'd get the next one (and go out and explore Amsterdam a little). When I was so cramped I could barely move, I tried to sleep, or I got up and walked around the plane. If I couldn't find anyone that spoke English (an unlikely fate), I would pull out the trusty phrase book I bought (a real lifesaver!) and fumble through, word by word. Bottom line? I knew I'd make it there eventually; I knew everything would be ok. Stressing out wouldn't have changed anything and would have gotten a fab trip off to a rocky start. I kept my cool - for the most part - and the trip was better for it!

2. Traveling alone can be good for the soul. Traveling with a friend, significant other, or family member provides a buffer. It helps you remain in your comfort zone. When you're alone, you feel exposed and vulnerable. With no one to walk with, to look in shop windows with, to eat with, you are left alone with yourself - your own thoughts and your own insecurities. Sometimes it can take us years to face up to those things when we're living day in and day out in our own comfort zones, but little time in a foreign country by yourself can really speed up the process. On this trip, there were times when I was all on my own (and many times when I was very much surrounded by friends and future colleagues). I had time to read, write, think, and just generally enjoy being with myself. I also had time to think about what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to see. I felt free and like this adventure was my own.

3. When given the opportunity to have dinner with your idols, TAKE IT!!!! This is an easy one, I know, but SERIOUSLY, this was the absolute highlight of my trip. I met a lot of great anthropologists at this conference and a number of them came to my presentation on Sunday morning. But, not only did I get to meet two of the women that I most admire (along with the wonderful Patricia Draper, one of my professors and mentors at Nebraska), I also got to have dinner with them!!!! Sarah Hrdy is an anthropological icon. She has written a number of books (3 of which I now own...) that have changed the way scientists think about women and female primates, in general. She was also a part of a conversation several years ago that led to the idea I wrote about in my thesis. Jane Lancaster is every bit as iconic, having written a number of very important theoretical papers that have helped shape my sub-field of anthropology. If I have even a quarter of the professional success either of these women have had, I will consider my career an outstanding one. But, that's not all. On a personal level, I absolutely cannot gush enough! If I have even half of the personal success they have had as academically accomplished women, again, I will consider myself lucky. I consider myself very lucky to have had the opportunity to sit across the dinner table from them.

4. And finally, my last piece of advice is this: don't be afraid to speak a little French. What I mean by that is, step out of the box, be a little uncomfortable, put yourself out there. These are things that I struggle to do in my everyday life. When I meet someone new, I don't always put myself (my whole self) out there. When I encounter a new situation I don't always plunge in headfirst, living in a state (even if ever so brief) of discomfort. Sometimes, I take the easy route. But it doesn't get my anywhere. Just like being too embarrassed to try any French would have gotten me nowhere. I don't speak French, and I didn't know much more than oui, oui! and bonjour before I left (although, admittedly, those long afternoons in Hastings spent watching The Food Network improved my vocabulary some...). But, I did my best. I learned to ask for a sandwich: Un sandwiche, s'il vous plaît. I tried to pronounce as much of my dinner order as I possibly could (and often failed quite miserably). I put on my very best French accent and risked looking like a fool.

This trip was worth every penny I withdrew from my savings account. The conference was great, my presentation went very well (I think!), and I had a chance to do some sightseeing around town and even go to see the Mediterranean Sea. Professionally, as well as personally, this was a good move on my part. I learned some important things about myself.

But the last lesson is one I very much hope to hold onto: to put myself out there and take some risks. I'll be better for it.

Last Minute Plans

2011-06-23T19:55:00.000-07:00

Hi all!

In the spirit of keeping these posts more regular, I thought I'd stop in with an update!

The last week or so has been quite the whirlwind. Since last I posted, I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off - finishing up my last week in the office for a while (I'll be working from home this summer), packing my Columbia life away, moving back to Lincoln for most of the rest of the summer, and trying to get ready for my upcoming trip to FRANCE!!!

Montpellier is in South Central France

That's right... I'm going to France. Next week. I still sort of can't believe it, but I suppose when I board the plane next Tuesday, it will sink in! Here's how it all went down...

A few months ago, I submitted a presentation (my thesis work - the polyandry stuff) to two major anthropology conferences - one in Montpellier, France this summer, the other in Montreal in November - and was accepted for BOTH conferences. Imagine my excitement!!! However, once I saw the prices of airline tickets to France, I gave up hope on going and set my sights on Montreal. When I returned to Columbia, a few weeks ago, though, my advisor told me she found a flight I might be able to afford (and also told me she had an extra bed at the B&B she would be staying in, which would help save on hotel costs). I was PUMPED... until I realized I had already mailed off my passport for renewal. No passport = no trip to France and there's just no telling how long it will take to get a passport back. I was able to call and have the process expedited (for some extra $), but then, it was all about the waiting game. If I got the passport back in time, and if the ticket prices were still low enough, I would go. But, I wasn't getting my hopes up.

Montpellier square at night

Lucky for me, my passport came in last Friday AND the ticket prices were still manageable. So, after some internal debate about my $$ situation, I booked my flights! This will definitely put a dent in my savings account, but it will be a FANTASTIC professional opportunity (my VERY FIRST professional presentation!!!), and seriously, who in their right minds could pass up a trip to Southern France and a chance to see the Mediterranean?!?!?!?! Not this girl.

Last minute plans for a trip this big are WAY out of my comfort zone, so I'm a little wigged out - worried I won't be prepared, will forget something important, will get horribly lost when I walk off the plane in Marseilles, etc., etc. I'm also a little nervous about my presentation. I want to be 100% confident in what I'm going to put out there before I stand in front of a room full of people (I hope!) and tell them how important my research is. Mostly, though, I'm SUPER EXCITED!!! At this time next week, I'll be strolling around Southern France... CRAZY! (<-- sorry for all the shouting... I'm excited.)

Don't worry, I'll take tons of pictures and be sure to post all of the good ones on here. I'll also tell you all about the trip when I get back.

In the meantime, I've been getting some work done, thinking about what to pack (and bought a new outfit that I'll wear for my presentation), and spending some time with this guy:

How cute is he??? I'm a lucky aunt. :)

Have you ever been to Europe before? (I've been to England, but never mainland Europe!) Ever planned a big trip on the fly? Any recommendations for what to pack/wear/see/do would be welcomed!

Have a great weekend!

When Motivation Goes Away

2011-06-14T21:36:00.000-07:00

Motivation is a funny thing... Sometimes I have so much of it I feel like I'm bursting at the seems. Other times, I can't get motivated to tie my own shoes. Most of the time, I find myself somewhere in the middle, trending towards feeling sufficiently motivated to do the things I need to do. I like this. I am happy at this point. For the last week and a half or so, though, where my running and fitness are concerned, I have found myself with very little motivation to do anything. I have been staying up late and sleeping in (well, I should say "sleeping in" because for me, that means anything later than 7 a.m.), going out with friends for dinner and drinks, generally soaking up the couple of weeks that I have in Columbia and through all this, my desire to lace up the running shoes has been zip.

In my experience, some things affect motivation more than others. For example, heat and especially humidity can majorly cramp one's style. Also, sometimes not having a specific race to train for can leave a person feeling less motivated. I believe that I have encountered the perfect storm of motivation-sucking conditions these last several days. First of all, (let's not lie) the CICADAS!!! (yes - I am a wimp) Seriously, the thought of going out for a "peaceful" run, all the while being divebombed by screaming, screeching, nasty cicadas has been a bit unappealing. The few times I have gone out for a run, I have gone earlier in the day or in the evening when they're not so bad. This helps some. Second, that whole staying up late, sleeping in, going out with friends thing... Enough said there. Third, I have been earning my "cred" as an anthropologist early, immunizing myself against all sorts of things, preparing for my trip to Bangladesh in the fall. Yesterday, I had three shots in my shoulders and have been in some pain since then. Today, I took my first dose of an oral typhoid vaccine, which resulted in a couple hours of major nausea. (I was not a pretty sight today...) And, I could literally go on and on with what are basically beginning to sound like excuses.

Truth be told, after a grueling semester, training for and running a half marathon, and the recent breakup, I am emotionally and mentally spent. Spending my time right now getting some R&R, hanging out with good friends, and generally doing nothing (I am working 5 hours a day right now, but it's pretty laid back) has been really nice. My normal life consists of schedules for work, sleep, food, exercise, and fun (should I say "fun" if I have to schedule it? haha), and involves doing a lot of what I "should" do or what I need to do. And it feels pretty good to take some time off of all of that for a couple of weeks.

The thing is, though, I know this won't last long. Once I get back to Lincoln and back into more of a normal (normal for summer) routine, I fully expect to be right back at it, running, cross-training, lifting weights, and yoga-ing it up. Because I REALLY ENJOY doing all of that! And I know that taking a little bit of well-deserved and much-needed time off will actually make me feel more motivated to get back to the workouts that I love and will allow me to enjoy them even more.

For now, I'm going to pay attention to what my mind and body are telling me and just relax. I'm going to soak it up and I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

Thankful Thursday

2011-06-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

How are you all doing? Has anyone melted from this crazy heat spell that's hit half of the country over the last week or so? I nearly have... I, for one, will be happy to return to the upper 80's and leave the 90's and 100+ degree weather behind for a couple of weeks!

Anyway, in the spirit of positivity, I decided to do something a little different on the blog today. I got this fabulous idea from one of my new favorite running blogs: Ali on the Run. (Seriously, people, running blogs are one of my main sources of motivation - it is inspiring to read about other peoples' running pursuits!) Every Thursday, Ali writes a blog post about the things in her life she is thankful for, and I decided to give it a go. **I realize that it may be Friday when most of you read this, but that's ok.

So... Here are the things I am especially thankful for this week:

1. My brief return to Columbia. After a few weeks at home, coming back to Columbia this last week has been so good for me for a number of reasons. First of all, it is nice to be sleeping in my own bed, cooking in my own kitchen (although, with the heat, there has been minimal cooking happening over here), and being around all of my own stuff. It is quiet and relaxing here in my apartment, and I am enjoying the time to myself. Secondly, all of this "me time" has given me a ton of time to think and deal with break-up related issues. When I walked into my apartment on Sunday evening, the sadness hit me like a brick. I suppose as I get older and relationships become more meaningful and serious to me, the loss is harder to deal with. However, I realize that these are feelings I need to allow myself to feel and issues that I need to deal with, and this time to myself is allowing me the space I need to do those things.

2. The fact that the homes in my area were built within the last 13 years. I am SO not joking about this! Right now, Cicada Plague 2011 is happening all across Missouri (as well as other more southern states, from what I understand). I would be lying if I said it didn't totally gross/freak me out. This particular species appears every 13 years, mating and laying their eggs in trees. When the eggs hatch, apparently, the cicadas make their way through the trees and come out of the surrounding soil. Simply put, there are probably millions of them and they are EVERYWHERE. They are SUPER LOUD and also have a nasty habit of dive bombing everyone that walks by. When you brush them off of you, they scream. This is not a pleasant experience! Anyway, housing areas that were developed in the last 13 years are mostly cicada free because most of the trees are newly planted and the ground was disturbed in the building process. I am so thankful I am able to walk to my car without being swarmed. Seriously.

3. That I own hand weights and an ab ball. (It's the small things, people.) I'm not able to use the student rec center for free right now, so having this minimal workout equipment at home has been a great alternative! I am in my first official week of a new weight lifting program (from the book The New Rules of Lifting for Women) and really want to stay on track. The little home gym has allowed me to keep up with my weight workouts with only minimal adjustments to a couple of exercises!

This brings me to my next one...

4. My new running outfits!!! Sometimes, it's all about the clothes! (Duh.) I have a few new running outfits this summer and it is making such a difference. They are cute, they keep me cool (SO important in this heat!), and they make me excited to get out and run. My very favorite new shirt is this one from Moving Comfort:

And finally:

5. I am thankful for this morning's hot, sweaty, hilly run. Mind you, Columbia is no San Francisco, but we have our fair share of awe-inspiring and fear-inducing hills. Out of fear (read: whimpy-ness) of being caught in a cicada swarm on the lovely but heavily forested trail here in town, I decided to take this morning's 3-miler to the sidewalks. I ran the route that I drive every day to school (and have run a few times before) and am always amazed at how crazy those hills are! The thing about them, though, is how freaking good it feels to finally run all the way up one instead of stopping mid hill to cling for dear life to a nearby tree (I have never done that...) and how AMAZING I feel at the end of those runs. There is always a new challenge, always something new to accomplish, and always a "come to Jesus" moment that occurs on that little 3-mile run. Today, I got home, sweating profusely and gasping for breath, and instead of going inside, I just laid down on my front step, closed my eyes, and soaked it all in. When I got up there was a Katie-sized sweat print on the ground.

Question for the comments section: What are YOU thankful for this week?

Unsettled

2011-06-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

As some of you know by now, last week the relationship that I have been in for the last two years (since before I started this blog, in fact) ended.

To be frank with you, I'm not even sure why I'm writing this blog post, because I have absolutely no idea what to say. My emotions are all over the board and I really haven't had more than two organized thoughts about this subject since the breakup occurred.

In the last week, I have felt sad, mad, and scared. Sad about the loss of this relationship and the loss of someone from my life who has been my friend for the last two years. Sad that he couldn't see the future the same way I did. And sad for the loss of all of the good things that came along with this relationship - laughter, vacation plans, family time, closeness, plans for summer fun, shared interests and hobbies, mutual understanding and acceptance of one another. I have also felt mad about, well, a lot of things that I probably don't need to go into on the blog... I have felt scared about the inevitable changes that accompany a broken relationship and about the thought of starting over again. I often feel lonely (although never alone), and occasionally find myself feeling rejected (but, let's be honest - I felt that way when I was in the relationship, too). I have questioned myself and some of my decisions, wondering how I got to be in this position.

In the past week, however, I have also felt profoundly and unwaveringly thankful. Thankful for the opportunity to reconnect with myself and to rejuvenate the part of me that has felt such pain and exhaustion over the last several months - trying to make the relationship work, lobbying relentlessly and ineffectively for my own wants and needs. But, more than anything, thankful for the people in my life who have rallied around me, giving support and showing unconditional love. My wonderful mother and lovely sister - who was kind enough to lend me my nephew for some "happy time" last weekend - know me well enough to know the right things to say. My completely amazing friends here in Lincoln, who have taken me out for drinks, dinners, runs, movies, breakfasts, ice cream (yipes - I'd better be sure to get my run in today...), and dragged me along on a highly comical shopping trip; they have run along side me, listening to me babble on and on, offering constant support and reassurance. And my wonderful friends in Columbia, Indiana, Chicago, Boise, Taiwan, etc., etc., who have offered love and support from afar. Sometimes it takes something crappy happening to remind a person of just how lucky she is. And, clearly, I am very lucky.

Overall, the word that perfectly sums up the last week for me is discombobulated. I am confused and all out of sorts. My feelings change from one minute to the next, and I seem to be having some trouble wrapping my head around what has happened. I'm not sure yet what I want or what I should do. I don't know how to feel or how to act. I want to grieve, but I want to move on. I don't want to obsess, but I want to deal with my feelings (so they don't come back to bite me in the a$$ later on).

Mostly, I want to stop feeling so unsettled. (Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go look up yoga class times for tonight...)

Endurance

2011-05-27T16:18:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been reading Kristin Armstrong's book Mile Markers: The 26.2 Most Important Reasons Why Women Run. One of the themes that she returns to over and over again is Endurance. We run to get stronger, to get in shape or stay in shape, to achieve goals, to push ourselves to become better, to do things we never thought we could do, to force ourselves out of bed in the morning, to socialize with friends, and to prepare ourselves to deal with life as it comes at us.

Running can be tough. We wake up at 5:30 (or earlier) in the morning, put on layer after layer of clothing, and trudge out the front door into negative degree weather. We run on ice and snow, in the rain, in the wind, we get hurt, we get tired, and we push ourselves right to the edge. And of course, these things make us physically stronger and they make us better runners and healthier people (minus the injury part, of course).

In the last few years, I have run 4 half marathons. Nearly all of the training has been fun and totally enjoyable. But in the difficult moments, when I wanted to quit and walk home or step off the race course, I learned a few things about myself. I learned that even when I don't want to, I can squeeze a couple of extra miles out of myself. That when my legs hurt and my lungs feel like they're going to pop, no matter what my head is telling me, I can keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have learned that sometimes it is important to pace myself and other times, I should run with reckless abandon, giving it all I've got in that very moment, running with joy and freedom - no matter what consequences I might face 3 miles later.

And I have also learned that, not matter what, I can endure.

Running 13.1 (or 6.2 or 26.2 or 50) miles doesn't open up some portal that makes pain hurt less, but it teaches a person that the pain won't last forever. It helps a person understand that he or she can endure a heck of a lot more than they once thought possible. It has made me realize that sometimes when life gets tough, I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other - that I can put one foot in front of the other.

Running has helped me understand what it means to endure. To me, having endurance means having the ability to get through a difficult semester and finish with my GPA intact, along with my sanity. It means having the ability to support a friend or family member, even when I don't think I've got much gas left in my own tank. It means facing the loss of someone I love from my life and knowing I'll be a stronger person for it.

It is a special thing to learn that you can endure 2+ hours of physical pain and cross the finish line with a smile on your face, just as it is comforting to know that you have the ability to deal with the things life throws at you and at the people you love. However, I'm sure Kristin Armstrong would agree that we as runners often do not come to these realizations all by ourselves. If we are lucky, as I undoubtedly am, we find ourselves surrounded by others who endure right along side us. We are in the midst of people who understand our pain and offer to help shoulder the load for us when we need it most. They take us out for drinks, for coffee, and for a run and they teach us what it means to be there for each other.

Blogs for Dogs (and Cats...)

2011-05-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Things have been a little nuts (as usual) in my life and also somewhat lacking for inspiration. The school year is over (thank GOODNESS!) and I have taken a much needed break from all things school related. I'm getting back into the swing of things this week, with papers to revise and preparations to be made for the Bangladesh trip coming up in August. I wanted to take a quick minute, though, and tell you all about something near to my heart over the last few days.

You have all no doubt heard about the tornadoes that have been ripping across the midwest over the last few days and the devastation they have caused, particularly in Joplin, Missouri. While I am lucky to be safe and sound at home in Nebraska right now, Joplin is only about 4 hours southwest of Columbia and I have a few friends at school who grew up there. The entire state of Missouri has reached out to help the people of Joplin and I heard from a friend on Twitter yesterday that there are actually too many volunteers at the moment (what an amazing problem to have!). While I worry about the people, I know they will be well taken care of and not soon forgotten by the state and the country. However, the humane societies and animal shelters are currently overflowing with pets who have lost or been separated from their owners. A fellow Missouri blogger (Brie Fit) has set up a registry on Amazon.com to help the Joplin Humane Society care for these animals. (I encourage you to read her blog post here: http://www.brie-fit.com/2011/05/blogs-for-dogs/)

The pictures the Humane Society has posted of some of the lost animals are absolutely heartbreaking. I feel for the animals, who must be scared and stressed, as well as some injured, I'm sure, and also for the owners who can do nothing more than hope and pray that their beloved pets are being cared for. I can only imagine that if I were in their shoes, I would be beside myself with worry about Nellie.

If you want to help, you can find the registry here: http://tinyurl.com/blogs4dogs Any little bit helps. I forked over $30 of my own to send some cat food.

You can also make a cash donation here: http://www.hsmo.org/news/disaster-response-team-2.html The Humane Society of Missouri has sent in disaster relief teams and needs continued monetary support.

Thanks for indulging me and reading this entire post (assuming you're still reading...). Now, go and give your pet some extra love and attention.

For My Mom

2011-05-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

It's Mother's Day and I am in Columbia, finishing up the semester (aka chained to my desk). I'm missing spending Mother's Day with my mom, so I thought I would do a little tribute to her here. If I could, I would shout it from the top of a mountain. But I don't have a mountain...

My mom has been so much more to me than just a mother.

She has been my best friend.

She travelled literally half way around the world to visit me.

(we look a little related here, don't we?)

She has picked me up when I am low.

She supports me and pushes me to pursue my dreams.

She has been the rock for our family, day after day, for almost 30 years.

And she believes in us, even when we have a hard time believing in ourselves.

She is also a grandma.

(with one VERY large hand, apparently...)

And my sister is a mom.

To a very lucky, and very CUTE little guy.

And I feel like the luckiest daughter, sister, and aunt in the whole wide world.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! And Happy Mother's Day to my Mags. Here's to many more years of going on vacations together, laughing (and probably crying) together, and you listening to me blather on incessantly about things that don't matter to anyone but me.

Love, Katie

A little something

2011-04-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

Ummm... It's a little sad when, on April 17th (almost 18th), I can open my blog homepage and see literally EVERY post I've written this year on the same page. Possible culprit: busy semester. Other possible culprit: only inspiration coming from anthropological literature and have decided not to numb your minds with theoretical blather. You're welcome.

I'll be back soon, I promise. In a short 3 weeks, my life promises to hold at least 7 days of absolutely no school work and a whole lot of R&R. Now... I just have to survive for three weeks...

Until then, I have a lot on my plate. On May 1st, I'm running the Lincoln Half Marathon (expect a pre-race post). I have several homework assignments, a final paper, final project, and final exam to do. I also have some visitors coming this weekend. I'll give you a hint:

I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

I hope you're enjoying some lovely spring weather wherever you are! Talk to you soon...

Running Solo

2011-03-30T20:05:00.000-07:00

Greetings from my couch. I am on Spring Break and have managed to avoid turning on my computer for the last 5 days and it has felt really good. I had a nice relaxing few days at home and now am trying to avoid thinking about the fact that I accomplished very little today. I'm trying even harder to avoid thinking about all the work that lies ahead of me in the next four days...

So, in the spirit of avoidance, I thought I'd write a little about running. I'm training for my 4th half marathon, 3rd Lincoln Half Marathon. Overall, I think training is going well, however, it is a very different experience this time than it has been in the past.

Things that are different: scenery (I'm living in Missouri now, which is quite a bit different-looking from Nebraska), hills (I no longer have to drive to find hills - I walk out my front door), timing (in the past, most of my workouts were done in the mornings, except on Tuesday and Thursday nights, while this year most of them are done after noon), mileage (I'm running less mileage during the week, but it seems to be working out well).

The most important difference, though, is that most of my training this year has been done on my own. For the last two years, I have participated in a running class designed to prepare people to run a marathon or a half. The class is run by Ann Ringlein (aka the running guru of Lincoln, NE) and includes scheduled group runs every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday for 4 months. The class is inspirational and motivational and, along with my fabulous running group, provides a girl with an enormous amount of support. Knowing you have a knowledgeable group of people to learn from, and knowing that 5+ people are waiting for you at 6am on a frigid January morning offer a sense of security and assurance that have motivated me to keep coming back for more (hence, my 4th half).

I was seriously concerned about training on my own this time. Would I be able to fit weekday runs into my already busy schedule? Would I be motivated to do them without someone waiting at the trail to hold me accountable? Was I even capable of completing a 10+ mile run on my own??? And would I be able to reach a new time goal in the half this year without the support of all of those fabulous people?

The answer to the first three questions is YES. I have managed to schedule my time during the week in order to be sure to fit in at least 10 miles of running (usually on 3 days) and a day of cross-training, plus my Saturday long run. I'm certainly not motivated to roll out of bed at an ungodly hour, but I make sure to get my runs in later in the day (although I still go early on Saturdays). And I have done a lot of my long runs by myself, which will soon include a couple of solo 12 milers.

It is a lot harder and not quite as much fun to fly solo all the time, but I'm making it work. In fact, I find myself running a faster pace most of the time because I'm usually in more of a hurry to finish the run, plus, I am not talking during the run, so I'm able to go a little faster naturally (breath not used talking = breath saved for running). It should actually be noted that my running is done solo by choice. Columbia has a great running community (so I've heard), but most of the time, I find my running time to be an excellent opportunity to get some thinking done and generally clear my mind. Plus, they meet at 5:30. A.M.!!! No thank you.

As for whether or not I'll be able to meet the very challenging (to me) time goal I've set for this year's Lincoln Half Marathon, I'll just have to wait and see! I managed to finish last weekend's 10 mile race just under my goal time, but it was really hard and a slower pace than I'll need to run the half marathon in. I'm hoping my training plan will prepare me to run as fast as I need to and hoping that within the next few weeks I'll have a very good idea as to whether or not I think my current goal is realistic.

Are you training for anything? How's it going? Have you been doing most of your running on your own or with friends?

My Happy Place

2011-03-16T08:46:00.000-07:00

Although I am really enjoying my classes this semester, I am definitely starting to feel that middle-of-the-semester bogged down, can't see the light at the end of the tunnel feeling. And it's happening a little early this time. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that the amount of weekly homework is more than a little overwhelming, evidenced by the fact that I have spent countless Saturday nights this semester at home doing homework. Go me. That's ok. I'm learning a lot. And I'll appreciate a little break at the end of this semester like never before.
But... Every now and then, I have to close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and go to my Happy Place. I'm sure you could all easily guess what that is:

Let's just say it involves me, the beach, and a good book.

So, when I start to feel stressed or overwhelmed, or whatever, I have a cup of Lighthouse Cafe coffee in my Sanibel Bean coffee cup, and think about the sun and the breeze and the fine white sand. And for a few minutes, all is right with the world...

What's your Happy Place?

p.s. Mine has some serious competition:

A Slippery Slope

2011-03-10T19:34:00.000-08:00

So, lately, I've been having all of these ... well ... thoughts. Or maybe I should call them fantasies? Except that they're based on reality... so let's stick to "thoughts."

They creep into my head while I'm running. I'll be struggling during a tough part of the run then, all of a sudden, a great song with a heavy beat pops on and the thoughts begin. One, followed by a RUSH of adrenaline. Then another. Then, before I know it, I have a full-blown story line going on in my head. And I find myself nearly sprinting, running as fast as I can, feeling absolutely on top of the world.

I'm talking about volleyball, of course. That's right. I have been having volleyball fantasies while I'm running. All of the great players I have been on the court with in the past are there with me in my thoughts and every great play is being replayed over and over again. And I feel alive.

I miss volleyball. Running and I have a good, solid relationship (minus the fact that I'm not all that good at it). Running keeps me in shape. It allows me to set goals and go after them like I used to do with volleyball. Running has been there for me when volleyball hasn't. But it just isn't the same.

Volleyball and I are soulmates. And I miss my soulmate.

It's a slippery slope, my friends. I've been mentally cheating on running with volleyball for the last couple of months now and it's only a matter of time before I cheat for real. I don't want to break up with running. I just want to have a little extra-curricular fun every now and then. Is that SO wrong??? :)

What's New?

2011-02-18T19:37:00.000-08:00

Hi all!

Since last I posted (a real post), a lot is new in my neck of the woods! First and foremost, I started a new and very busy, semester in January and have been enjoying the crap out of it. Seriously! I'm not being sarcastic. I am in three very demanding, very interesting classes and I can't remember the last time I actually enjoyed school this much. I may be singing a different tune come the end of the semester, when my responsibilities hit me in the face like a ton of bricks, but for now, I prefer to live in a naive state of anthropological bliss.

Aside from normal classwork and working 15 hours a week in my research assistant position, I have also been spending my free time (read: time not spent doing homework, sleeping, eating, or watching Glee) applying for a small travel grant funded by the National Science Foundation. If I receive the grant, I will be able to use the money to travel to Bangladesh in the fall and do some preliminary research. This would be particularly useful because it would give me some important experience, and I also happen to have a friend planning to go to the same field site at the same time I hope to go. Sounds pretty ideal to me! Oh, and I finally managed to submit the paper that came out of my thesis to one of the better-known journals in my discipline. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

I have also signed up for the Lincoln Half Marathon, so I've been battling the elements, getting training runs in where and whenever I can. In case you don't know, by "elements" I mean nearly 3 feet of snow. Central MO fell victim to that massive winter storm that hit the Midwest a few weeks ago and have only begun to see the ground in the last week. School was cancelled for three days (an actual first for the University of Missouri) and I spent some quality time in my driveway with the shovel.

Progress after 1st hour of shoveling.

I also managed to paint my bedroom, clean the house, and watch a lot of TV. We have been enjoying spring-like temps this week, though, and I'm pretty excited to finally be able to use the trail in town again.

My hair got a little friendly with a freshly painted wall.

I'm happy to report that as tough as last semester was, with the move, trying to find my way in a new town and navigate a long distance relationship (which, admittedly, I have yet to master), this semester is shaping up to be positively awesome. I have made a few great friends at school and am very happy to report that most of them will be around Columbia for at least another year. I have started to become more involved on campus, attending lectures and starting a reading group with a couple of the aforementioned friends. Now that I'm feeling a little more settled, I really like Columbia and am reassured often that I chose the right graduate program in the right town. It doesn't hurt that I'm a short 5 hour drive from home, especially since this little guy is getting cuter by the minute:

Seriously. Whenever I need a good pick-me-up, I just go to my sister's Facebook page and go through baby pictures. They always put a smile on my face.

So... That's a quick rundown of what has been going on in my life. No amazing insights and it sounds a little like the purpose statement I wrote for the grant earlier today. But, I figured that even a less-than-eloquent post was better than no post at all!

What's new with you?

I Wish...

2011-02-01T22:52:00.000-08:00

I wish I were here right now...

... not surrounded by birds, of course. But on the beach.

Side note: For someone who is as afraid of birds as I am, I sure took a lot of pictures of them in Sanibel. Maybe Sanibel makes everything better?

...

Yes. It most certainly does.

Present

2011-01-08T14:17:00.000-08:00

In a yoga class I attended on December 30th, the instructor was discussing the transition out of 2010 and into 2011. As she talked about leaving 2010 behind, she said something that struck me so deeply that it is still with me (no easy feat, considering the sheer volume of random thoughts that spin around in my head on a daily basis). She called 2010 "A Year of Challenge and Growth." Was it ever! I had absolutely no idea what I was in for, but after 12 months of challenge after challenge, some big and some small, I realized that I was emerging from 2010 a somewhat different person than when I entered it. No doubt, I still talk so much that sometimes I annoy even myself. I also talk mostly about myself - a flaw of mine that makes me cringe. I have trouble slowing those twirling, whirling thoughts and focusing on just one at a time. And I often watch too much TV and spend too much time on Twitter and Facebook. But in so many ways, 2010 was a year of wiping my slate clean. I was afforded the opportunity to deal with some very deep past hurts and to work through them with my loving family. I learned how to communicate better and become a better listener (something I continue to struggle with), and even how better to verbally support someone I love. And so, inspired by this idea of a clean slate, one on which I can begin building new habits, new relationships, and a better understanding of myself, I decided to sign up for two separate events at my yoga studio: an afternoon of guided meditation and intention-setting for the new year on New Year's Eve and a far more active workshop on New Year's Day in which I was supposed to complete 108 Sun Salutations along with a roomful of people.

If I could adequately describe the peace, serenity, and inspiration that I felt during the New Year's Eve intention-setting workshop, I would. But, I fear that trying to put it into words would take away its specialness, so I won't do it that injustice.

The 108 Sun Salutations on the other hand... I'll spare you the gory details of a studio floor so drenched with sweat at the end that I could merely slide from my mat to the door and of aching muscles that started to refuse to hold me up around 93. I went into that workshop looking for a way to ACTIVELY welcome in the new year. To somehow sweat out 2010 (which I very well may have done) and make room for everything that was to come in 2011. As Aaron might say, to judo chop 2010 into oblivion and become quick allies with 2011. I expected to walk out of the studio feeling invincible, enlightened, and accomplished. Aside from running 3 half marathons, this was physically one of the most challenging things I have done and I was sore for almost a week afterwards. But I walked out feeling somewhat ... agitated. And I couldn't figure out why!!! Was I hungry? Was I dehydrated? (Yes.) Was I tired? I was happy that I'd done it. I felt pretty darn good about myself, in fact. And I figured the effects would kick in at one point or another, although I had no idea what they would be.

Luckily, I think I was right. During this lovely, peaceful, relaxing vacation that I am currently on, I have noticed that I have been more patient, more appreciative of the world around me, and much more focused on the present moment. Those probably don't seem like difficult things to be while on vacation. But, trust me, they can be. Think of it. How easy it is to focus on hurrying to get to the beach and miss the beauty around you; to think only about annoying the talkative person next to you on the plane is and miss the opportunity to listen; to slip your headphones in and turn up the iPod instead of listening to the wind and the waves falling easily onto the sand; to go back to the hotel room, turn on the TV, half-listening to a re-run of an old Friends episode, all the while checking email, updating Facebook, and having a snack (maybe that last one's just me?). While some of that is still going on for me, I have also noticed how quick I am to take a deep breath and smile, rather than let a slightly annoyed feeling creep over my entire body when traffic on the island (I know, poor me) is creeping along at a slower-than-glacial pace. I have noticed the beauty of this place in a whole new way and have allowed myself to dream about the future (which, of course, includes one of those beautiful beach houses), but not lose sight of the present. I am feeling quieter on the inside and suspended in this little bubble of contentedness, even while the world around me seems to spin increasingly out of control.

These are changes that I hope to bring home with me even more than the scads of beautiful seashells we have been collecting; changes that I hope will be the first new layer on my recently cleaned slate. I hope that a truer sense of being present in the moment and the act of doing only one thing at a time will become a real part of who I am and shape who I will become. Because I can tell you one thing for sure: reading an email from a friend, eating an ice cream cone, watching a TV show, looking out the window, taking a walk are all infinitely more enjoyable when that's the only thing you're doing.

I know I'm a little late to the game, but Happy New Year, everyone!

First Sanibel Sunset

2011-01-06T17:46:00.000-08:00

So... It's been over a month since last I've posted. I feel ashamed. And disconnected. And very behind. Ok, maybe only the last two.

My mom and I are currently on our (what has become) annual trip to Sanibel, FL. We left Lincoln this morning around 4:30 and haven't slept much since (tossing and turing in a cramped airplane seat certainly doesn't count). So, tonight, I'll spare you from having to read whatever may stumble out of my crowded, discombobulated brain and instead leave you with one of my first pictures from the trip.

Sanibel Sunset from our hotel room

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and are enjoying 2011! I'll be back soon...

Better Late Than Never

2010-11-28T20:11:00.000-08:00

Phew! The last couple of weeks have been an absolute whirlwind - I have: made a quick weekend trip home to deposit Nellie at my mom's house, travelled to New Orleans for an anthropology conference, driven home again to spend Thanksgiving week writing a paper, getting a cold, running a 5K Turkey Trot, baking 3 pies, spending time with Aaron, friends, and the fam, including TWO back-to-back Thanksgiving dinners. My goodness. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. And frankly, seeing as how I'm about to be launched into the three busiest weeks of the semester, I don't see things calming down any time soon.

So... Before things get too hectic, I'm taking this evening to relax a little (Wizard of Oz, anyone?), regroup, and make a quick list of the things I've been most thankful for over the last year. So, in the spirit of Thanksgivings past, I decided to share that list with you...

1. I am thankful for the slightly new path my life has taken, which allows me to continue to go after my goals and dreams every day. It wasn't easy last year, it's not easy this year, and it won't be easy for a long time to come. But going after one's dreams isn't supposed to be easy. If it were, it wouldn't mean as much. Moving to a new town, all by myself, has presented all sorts of new challenges to me, but I am thankful for them because they make me stronger.

2. I am thankful for my family and friends who continue to support me every step of the way. No questions asked. Ever. They (YOU) believe in me and remind me to believe in myself, even when the going gets really tough. And they celebrate with me when I have success.

3. I am so very thankful for the new little addition to our family. While we all know it was a bumpy road at times, his presence in our lives has brought the three of us (my mom, sister, and I) closer together than we've ever been. A good friend told me once before he was born, "You may not be able to imagine a life with him in it right now, but once he's born, you won't be able to imagine your life without him." Truer words never spoken.

I could honestly go on for quite some time, but it's getting close to my bedtime. Thanks to each and every one of you for the ways in which you have touched my life. I am a better person for it.

Happy (late) Thanksgiving!

Procrastination

2010-11-07T14:59:00.000-08:00

Hello Blog World! It's been far too long, I know, I know. I'm sorry! It's just that I've had all this homework lately and I feel so guilty if I spend too much time writing something - anything - that isn't homework. It just seems so... indulgent... you know? In fact, I don't even really have time to write today. I have this take-home midterm that needs to be done. But I thought I'd take just a few seconds to check in and say hi. Also, I needed a way to procrastinate because I haven't decided which question to answer next. And I've already pet Nellie, eaten a chocolate chip cookie, filled up my water glass and looked out all my windows. Isn't it amazing how dirty the blinds get? And isn't it even more amazing how much I want to clean them right now?
Anyway, I'd better get back to work. I hope everyone out there is having a nice, relaxing Sunday evening. Obviously, Nellie is.

Adventures in MidMO

2010-10-12T15:23:00.000-07:00

I was hoping for and expecting a relatively easy week this week, school-wise, since the last few weeks have been so stinking busy. Instead, I find myself with too much to do and too little time to do it in, just like last week, and the week before that, and so on and so on. I don't have a lot of time to share all of my deepest thoughts with you today, but even in spite of the busyness, I want to take a few minutes to tell you about the last week or so and share a few pictures with you, as well.

Last week, my mom came to visit for a few days. We did plenty of shopping (and I spent plenty of money - but, to be fair, most of it was on much needed decorative attire for my apartment) and plenty of eating, and it just so happened that the Husker volleyball team was in town to play (and beat to a pulp, I might add) Mizzou.

We also did a little exploring outside of Columbia. Imagine, if you will, the hilliest, winding-est road you've ever seen. Now, picture me driving on it, screaming at the crest of every hill, SURE I'm driving us right off a cliff. It was fun. And I really could have used a drink, but I settled for a cheeseburger, fries, and a peanut butter cookie. The drive was well worth my several near heart attacks, though, because the town of Rocheport, MO is quaint, cozy, and charming (which is why I took so many pictures), filled with B&B's, and with a scenic cross-state bike path passing through the edge of town.

We had planned to have dinner at Abigail's, but found out they're closed on Tuesdays, so we "settled" for the aforementioned comfort food at the trail side cafe in town. It was pretty darn good.

Lucky for me, Aaron came into town the following weekend. First order of business: Abigail's! The food was pretty darn good (especially the pumpkin cake with caramel drizzled over the top); the company was better. Although, that company is hard to beat.

All in all, I've been having a fair amount of fun - probably more fun than a graduate student should be having... And now, it's time to get down to business.

Surprises and Birthday Cake

2010-10-03T07:19:00.000-07:00

Last Monday night, my birthday eve, I was sitting at home buckling down on some homework when my phone rang. I had a brief conversation with Aaron, the boyfriend, which he ended sort of abruptly. It seemed strange, but he said he was coming back from the grocery store, so I didn't think too much of it. Thirty seconds later, my doorbell rang. Guess who it was????

This guy!!!

That's right! He drove 5 hours after work on Monday to come down and spend my birthday with me! I'm a lucky gal, I tell you.

I was really bracing myself for a crappy day on Tuesday. It's not that I'm such a non-adult that I can't handle spending my birthday alone (maybe). It was more a combination of homesickness and that feeling of just not fitting here yet (which you all read about last Sunday). I had all sorts of homework this week, including a take-home midterm that was due Tuesday afternoon, so we spent a good portion of my birthday working across the table from one another. But, I didn't care one bit. It was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. I think the ONLY thing that could have made it better would have been one of my mom's famous cat cakes. (When I was younger, my mom made me a birthday cake in the shape of a cat every year. I picked marigolds from the front yard to put around it. It was awesome.)

Fortunately, my lovely family ordered a mini-cake for me to pick up from Hy-Vee. Aaron and I broke into that baby at 4:00. We very nearly ruined our dinners...

I'll say it again. I am seriously lucky. Along with my surprise visit and the awesome cake from the fam, I received happy birthday wishes from, like, 80 friends!

Sometimes all it takes is one good day to propel you forward. I'm already feeling better than I did last week. I had a successful week school-wise, I have taken some time to start organizing things in my home office and hope to have that all set up soon, and in general, I've felt happier. I got a lot of great advice from you all last week when I asked you how you deal with tough times. You told me to not deny my feelings, but also not dwell on the negative. You also told me to tackle the small things one at a time because they'll add up. And my very wise mother told me it's time to set some goals. Thanks to all of you that took the time to offer your two cents. Things are looking up!

... and it doesn't hurt that I had such a fan-freakin-tastic birthday ...

Have a great Sunday! We're cold down here... : )

Tough Times: How to deal?

2010-09-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

What better way to start a beautiful Sunday morning than with a piping hot cup of coffee, toast with homemade apricot preserves, a cool breeze coming in through the windows, and Meet the Press? ... Wait ... What? Yes, I chose to turn on Sunday morning political TV today. Yes, that was a mistake. I'm not going to go all partisan on you here or anything (and that's really not the main point of this post anyway), but I would venture to guess that no matter what party line you toe, you feel pretty damn frustrated/hopeless/angry/disgusted right about now? Join the club. No, starting off one's Sunday morning listening to Politician X talk about what their party is going to do to make our country better (when neither of those parties seems to actually ever vote with any of us in mind), is not ideal and was definitely not a good decision this morning. But, I digress.

The point of this morning's blog is to include all of you (maybe talking politics right off the bat wasn't the best way to do that?). I want to hear YOUR opinions, thoughts, etc. on this conundrum I've been dealing with, or not dealing with... whatever.

So, last week, I was on a particularly grueling run, up and down the hills of Columbia, pretty much hating every step. As I ran on, I started thinking about my mental state. Was the way in which I was thinking about my run ("This is really freaking hard!", etc.) affecting how I felt? And would it make my run easier to instead tell myself it was easy and I was having fun? Then, as those thoughts usually do for me, my quandaries about running quickly turned to quandaries about life...

It would be fair to say that this transition hasn't been an easy one for me, at least not all of the time. I went from a program where I was familiar with the people, had several close friends, was well-respected by the professors (although, if Dr. Osborne ever read one of my blog posts, I think he'd be utterly disgusted by my excessive use of parentheses...), I had written a thesis on a topic that people found interesting, etc., etc. In short, I felt pretty darn good about myself when I walked through the halls of my old department. And now... I'm the newbie again. I'm back at square one. I don't know many people, I'm having to build new friendships (which is always a good, but slightly scary, thing), I'm having to prove myself to new professors and a new advisor (or at least that's how I feel), and I don't have a freaking clue what I want to research.

Also, I've been back and forth between Lincoln and Columbia twice in the last few weeks, trying to squeeze as much of my homework into the weeknights as I can, leaving little time for things like unpacking my boxes of books or doing something to arrange my "office," which right now looks like a junk room with piles of crap everywhere. And, don't get me wrong, I have loved being able to go home to see everyone - especially the new baby! - but now that I know I won't be going back for a month or so, I've been getting twinges of homesickness every now and then. (Come on, people, I'm almost 29 years old, for goodness sake. Homesick??? I blame the baby.) And I've been feeling sort of down about the fact that I'll be spending my birthday alone this year, for the first time ever (although, Aaron's coming down to celebrate with me next weekend).

So, yes, I can easily say that this last month and a half or so haven't exactly been easy. I tried soothing myself with some hot tea and a chocolate chip cookie one night this week. It worked for a while anyway.

Which brings me back to my question. How should one look at a situation like this? Should I tell myself it's not so bad? (Because, really, in the whole scheme of things, it's not awful - it just isn't great... yet.) That it's a piece of cake to build new relationships with new people? That I've been through difficult transitions before and I can do it again? OR... Do I just ACCEPT the fact that it's not easy right now? Do I allow myself to really feel it and all of the emotions that come along with it? Because if I trick my mind into thinking this is simple, am I robbing myself of living in the reality of the situation and, therefore, robbing future Katie of having an experience to draw from when she needs it? Also, I don't necessarily think it is a positive thing to constantly try to trick yourself into feeling better or ignoring the not so happy feelings. But, if I keep thinking about how un-easy this all is, will I get swamped by negative feelings and emotions, unable to see the good?

So, back to the run... A few blocks away from my house, as I'm seriously suffering, I come out of my cloud of thought, look up, and suddenly realize that I'm actually running downhill. I couldn't see it before. So, I turned on the gas, stretched out my legs, and sailed home. And when I walked in the front door, I felt really proud of myself for making it through such a tough run, and having the guts and the energy to sprint through the finish.

What do you think? What do YOU do when you're faced with difficult times in your life? Do you tell yourself it's not so bad? Or do you accept that it isn't easy and just keep pushing through until you get to the other side? Is there a happy medium in there somewhere?

p.s. On a VERY positive note, it looks like Mother Nature has finally brought fall to Columbia! Maybe it's my birthday present from her?

Break out the cigars!

2010-09-21T14:51:00.000-07:00

It seems like my posting has been dwindling at an exponential rate lately. I'm disappointed, but hope that once things steady out with school and the new living arrangements, I'll return to regular posting. I've been super busy with homework, but also... I'M AN AUNT!!!

Isn't he ADORABLE??????? I know most of you have heard all about it and seen all the pictures, but I just had to put this little cutie out there into the blog-o-sphere! Baby Dwayne will be one week old tomorrow, and I was lucky enough to get to go home last weekend and meet him. It's safe to say... I'm in love. : ) I mean, yes, he's precious, but he's also a cuddler! He snuggles right up on your chest and sleeps away. I could hold him all day... But, alas, I had to put him down and come back to Missouri.

With all of the traveling over the last couple of weeks, I really have yet to settle into a routine with school, workouts, homework, etc. Now that I'll be home (in Missouri) for a few uninterrupted weeks and weekends, things should calm down and I hope to feel more settled.

I'll check back in with you soon.

To Be Clear...

2010-08-31T14:52:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, Aaron and I were waiting at Bread & Cup for our awesome pizza to be delivered to the table and we were having a light conversation about appreciating the here and now, rather than wishing we had something different. We were talking specifically about a topic that is no doubt on nearly everyone's mind right now... The weather. Yes, really. (Feel free to scoff. Just don't stop reading yet.)

The topic came up because, in the heat of late July/early August, I had been reading all sorts of comments, on Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc., about how everyone was ready for summer to be over and for fall to start. Although deep down, I agreed, we talked about the fact that in a few short months, we would all be longing for the warmth of summer and cursing the freezing temps and feet of snow on the ground, and the idea that maybe it is better to fully accept and appreciate summer now, while we have it, than to prematurely look ahead and wish for fall. Sounds nice, right? And I'd say I successfully managed living in the heat (oops! I mean "here") and now for at least three weeks. Well... I am here to TAKE IT ALL BACK. I rescind my comments. I want fall RIGHT NOW. Yesterday, in fact, would be lovely.

Maybe it's been the extreme humidity or oppressive heat of this summer. Maybe it's because I spent most of my time in exile in my basement writing my thesis and now the outdoors are shocking my body and mind into submission. Maybe I've just reached my limit and I can't possibly sweat any more. I don't know. What I do know is that I really hate walking a few blocks to class and having to stop in the bathroom to dry off. I also hate having to plan my whole day around the fact that I know I'm going to sweat out two liters of water on a half hour bike ride to school. It really makes me want to drive. PLUS, I'm totally sick of all of my summer clothes.

And on top of all of those things, I LOVE fall!!! It is unquestionably my favorite season. I love the fact that daytime is jeans and tshirt weather, but the evenings warrant a sweatshirt. I love the colorful trees, the falling leaves, and the crispness in the air. I love pumpkins, apple cider, oatmeal, hot coffee, chocolate chip cookies (come on, who really wants to turn on the oven when the heat index is 103?), and pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks. I love volleyball season and college football season. In fact, my very favorite memories from the fall are from lazy Saturday afternoons, college football on TV, windows open with the breeze blowing in, all while I nap on the couch. Is it clear? I. LOVE. FALL.

So, just to be very clear, I'm through with summer. I want it to go away and stay away - at least until next May when I'll likely be over this. Period. The end. Who's with me???

Comfort Zones

2010-08-26T12:59:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Missouri! I know it's been a while since I last posted, but things have been just a little busy...

A week ago, my mom and Aaron helped me pack up and move nearly all of my belongings to a new town, in a new state to start a new PhD program at a new school (the move went smoothly, by the way, except for the fact that my cat screamed the ENTIRE way and nearly lost a tooth in a moment of cat carrier panic). I have spent the last 7 days cleaning, organizing and decorating my new apartment, attending new classes on a new campus, and organizing a new office in which I started a new job (well, it's sort of a job, I guess).

Guess what? Change is kind of scary. But you know what's scarier? Stepping outside of my comfort zone, over and over and over again. I have lived in new places and started new jobs more times than I can remember (ok, I remember how many places I've lived in - 6), so you'd think I'd be a pro by now, right? I mean, I even moved to a FOREIGN COUNTRY, for goodness sake. Even so, the comfort zone thing still freaks me out.

For the last two years, I was living at home in the town I grew up in, going to school on a campus that I have walked around on since I was little. I rode my bike to school on paths and streets I was familiar with, I shopped at grocery stores and Targets that I knew well. If my tank was running low, I knew where the nearest gas station was almost anywhere in town. This move has forced (allowed???) me to step out of those major comfort zones, and while I am really enjoying school, my new place, and the town, I'm still pretty much constantly aware that my zone of comfort is nowhere to be found.

Today, I finally had time to walk over to the Student Rec Center on campus (which, by the way, is the NICEST rec center I've ever been a member of so far, by far), sign up for a monthly locker membership, and squeeze in a workout. For some reason, this was a much more intimidating task than it should have been. To be honest, I was totally dreading it. I didn't really know where the entrance was to the rec, how the check-in process goes, who I should talk to about the locker thing, where the weight room was, etc., etc. (Are any of you thinking I'm a big wimp right now?) And although I'm nearly 29 years old, it is still very uncool to walk around the rec center looking like a lost freshman who doesn't know where the free weights are. But... I sucked it up and did it anyway. I asked questions, I asked directions, I walked around until I found the free weights and I left knowing that when I go back next week, it will be a lot easier.

In all of my travels, moves, new jobs, new towns I have learned over and over again that the only way to feel comfortable in a new place is to actually take that first step outside of your zone. Then take a second and a third (baby steps are acceptable here), until you know your way around. You don't stay a freshman forever and the more you push the limits and force yourself to do things like asking the cute senior guy how to get to the locker room (that's just an example, of course), the faster a new place starts to feel more like home. And, it has also been my experience that forcing yourself to take a major step in a new direction every once in a while can lead to serious personal growth and new-found self-respect.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a new student get-together to attend for the Anthropology Department. I'm going to go meet all sorts of new people!

Awesomeness

2010-08-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

Well... It is officially official. I am going to graduate. I passed my thesis defense, I turned in a final copy of my thesis (all 148 pages of it!!!), and I got all of the necessary signatures and stamps. That feels pretty freaking awesome, I must say.

Last night, before the start of a totally killer yoga class, Thomas (the instructor) talked about embracing our own awesomeness and accepting the fact that we are all great at something. Then, throughout the class, he asked us what we would look like or feel like if, in that moment, we believed we were truly awesome. Immediately, I started to think about what I would look like if I were my most awesome self... fitter, more fashionable, better hair, 10 pounds lighter, etc., etc. Then I stopped. And I realized that the only way to really accept my own awesomeness was to think of myself as awesome in that very moment - with the clothes I had on, with my hair a mess, and with my body exactly as it was and is. Instead, I thought about how I would feel on the inside if I believed in my own awesomeness and how that would radiate on the outside. I focused on the way I would behave and how I would approach each moment and each new challenge. Because real awesomeness, the kind of awesomeness that I can fully embrace, shouldn't have anything to do with what I want to change about myself or what I want to do, look like, be in the future, but should be about the awesome person that I am NOW. I should look in the mirror every morning and think about how the awesome Katie looking back at me is going to choose to feel, to behave, and to treat herself that day.

Such a message couldn't have come at a better time for me (sometimes I think there is some higher power leading me into yoga class on the days I really need to be there). I am in the midst of whole bunch of big life changes. Our family is changing, with a new little member due in September (see the new baby bump picture below). I am moving to a new town, a new state, and starting over from scratch in a new graduate program. I'm moving away from my family, very dear friends, and a boyfriend that I love. I'll admit, I'm a little freaked out about it all, and definitely sad to move out of a part of my life that has been so good for me and that I have enjoyed so much. So, it's time to ask myself, "How would AWESOME Katie deal with this?" (I already know how un-awesome Katie would handle it. Think: messy pile of weepy tears.)

I'm pretty sure that AWESOME Katie (I don't normally talk about myself in third person) will feel sad, but will not let the sadness overcome her last two weeks with friends and family or taint her first few weeks in a new town, causing her to pass up opportunities to meet new people and make new friends. AWESOME Katie will think about the exciting possibilities that come with these changes: a nephew to squeeze and spoil (probably mostly only with love since I will still be a broke graduate student), a new apartment all to myself to decorate however I want and to be completely myself in, a new town with a great vibe, a new school that is taking me one step closer to a career that I am passionate about, chances to make new friends (a girl can never have too many, right?), and, I believe, an opportunity to open all of my current relationships up to brand new possibilities. AWESOME Katie will march into class on my first day feeling excited and thrilled to be there. AWESOME Katie will not worry about how she looks or what people will think of her, but will assume that everyone will immediately want to be her friend. Why, you ask? Because she's AWESOME.

So, today, I choose to be AWESOME Katie. I choose to own my awesomeness and feel great about today and who I am in it. And I'm going to clean my room.

When you think about embracing your own awesomeness, what do you think of? How would you feel? How would you act? Would it change the way you approached a certain situation or the way you walked into a room?

Oh! Here's Maggie's latest picture! She's 7 1/2 months along.

And one more thing... There's this blog, "Operation Beautiful" , that focuses on celebrating inner beauty and believing you're beautiful just as you are. It's awesome. The blog's author, Caitlin, is also releasing her first book, which I'll be picking up just as soon as my first paycheck comes through. She is also encouraging other bloggers to write about changing the way you see yourself, so I thought my theme fit in pretty well with that. Enjoy!

Lately.

2010-07-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

I'm still here. Neck deep in thesis.

Lately, I've been doing a lot of this:

Tomorrow morning, I will email my first full draft of my thesis to my committee, then get in the car with Aaron and go here for the weekend for a little R&R and to celebrate his b-day:

One week from today is D-DAY (that's "defense day" in case you were wondering). I will defend my thesis. And then I'll be doing some of this:

And next weekend, I'll be celebrating in Chicago with one of my favorite people:

Alright. Nose to the grindstone time continues. Wish me luck.

Oh, what a beautiful morning!

2010-06-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

Good morning! I am in major thesis mode today, so I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Frankly, I shouldn't even be blogging at all, but it's such an idyllic morning, I couldn't resist.

So... Here's what is making my morning so awesome:

Yoga (I have been AWOL from yoga class for what feels like a long time. I MADE myself go this morning and am SO glad I did. Although, when I go back on Thursday morning, I'll be wearing shorts. I had a literal pool of sweat around me this morning.)

Breakfast and coffee in the back yard. Cats playing, sun shining, breeze blowing. I'm going to miss this back yard.

Knowing that today is going to be another very productive thesis day (once I finish writing this blog post).

Thinking about finishing my work early today (which means I'm going to have go power through) so I can make this Blueberry Raspberry Pound Cake from the blog Orangette. If you like to cook or bake or EAT, you should really read this blog. Then read her book. Fantastic.

The anticipation of the final Jazz in June tonight. We haven't made it once yet this summer, so we're going to make sure to go out with a bang tonight. The weather should be perfect. And I really feel like the night won't be complete without some pound cake. Or at least maybe some ice cream.

I hope you're all enjoying your morning, too. I'll leave you with a picture from Saturday night's anniversary dinner. : )

And a new(er) picture of the baby bump. Isn't she adorable?

I'd love to know... What is making your day wonderful today?

One Year

2010-06-26T09:01:00.000-07:00

One year and a little over one month ago, I was single and loving life. I had just run my first half marathon and had come away from it with the best group of friends a person could ever ask for. A group of friends that cared for me so much that they were really interested in finding me a nice guy to settle down with... And that's how it all began...

I was having lunch with my good friend (and fellow runner) Meghan one afternoon when she brought someone to my attention. He had been in our running class last spring and although had run with a different group, he was always smiling and so friendly. Then... He made this video. And I was sold. (Seriously, watch the video. You'll see what I mean.) Cute? Check. Funny? Check. Cat? Check.

So, one Saturday afternoon at the beginning of last summer, I decided that I wanted to go to Bread & Cup (a local restaurant with awesome food) for wine and cheese that night. I asked on Facebook if anyone wanted to join me and the only person that responded was Aaron. We met, as friends (who didn't even really know each other), and ended up talking for hours. I knew there was something there. Two days later, he called to ask me out on a real date. And the rest is history. We have had a lot of ups and a few downs, but it's fair to say that today, we are as happy, or happier, than ever!

So, it's been a little more than a year, but tonight we are going back to Bread & Cup to celebrate our anniversary. I'm SO excited!!

Happy (Late) Anniversary, Aaron! And thanks to all of our family and friends who have celebrated with us and supported us over the last year! Now I just have to decide what to wear...

(Note: Yes, I realize that this is a dating anniversary and that some cynical people think it's silly to celebrate. I don't care! I think it's so important to celebrate as many good things in my life as possible. And this is a very good thing.)

Plugging Along

2010-06-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

Hi! It's been a while since I've posted - things have been a little hectic around here lately... And, once again, I don't have anything super brilliant to say (do I ever?). So, I'll just give you a brief update on all that's been going on and what's to come in the Exciting Life of Katie.

A few weeks ago, my mom and I drove down to Columbia, Missouri to look for an apartment (for me, for August). It was an awesome trip and I'm really excited to live there! Here are some pictures from the trip:

University of Missouri campus

The Anthropology building - my office will be the first window on the left, above the door (the one with no window ac)!

One of the best breakfasts I've had. Seriously.

Columbia Farmer's Market

Amazingly, even with all of the sightseeing and EATING we did, I did manage to find a place! It's a 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment with a nice kitchen, in a very nice neighborhood, not too far from campus (maybe a 15 minute drive/30 minute bike ride), with a big front yard and a little forested area with a creek in the back. Here it is:

I'll be signing the lease this week and moving sometime in August. I'm not sure about when, exactly, I'll move my things down, but I will physically be living in Lincoln until just after August 14th (graduation!).

Since the Columbia trip, I've been filling all of my time with thesis work and volleyball camps. Camp coaching is kind of brutal because it starts at 8:30 a.m. and ends at 8:30 p.m. with a break for lunch and for dinner. The nice thing about them is that I actually enjoy coaching, so I can get my fix, and they're also pretty good $$. I'll work one more in late July, but I'm pretty happy to be done for now. For the next month and a half, I will be doing nothing but THESIS, THESIS, THESIS, with a tentative defense date set for "mid-July." Descriptive, right? Anyway, it's crunch time. So, really, that's about it. I have lots to do and a little time to do it in, with weekends almost totally full from mid-July through mid-August when I move. I'll be taking this one day at a time, I believe.

Ok, one more announcement before I go...

I'm going to be an aunt AND a godmother! : )

My sister is due in mid-September and as long as the kid doesn't steal my birthday (which I have a sneaking suspicion Maggie is going to try to MAKE happen - haha), it's pretty exciting! Looks like I'm going to have to start planning that baby shower pretty soon...

Hodge Podge

2010-05-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since I've posted. Maybe it's because I haven't been doing much of anything that's interesting enough to write about. Maybe every time I open a certain Word document titled "Graduate Thesis," it sucks every last remaining ounce of creativity out of my soul. Maybe I haven't felt inspired to write??? While the first two certainly have potential, I have to call myself out on the last one. I have felt inspired to write, I just haven't taken the time to sit down and do it. So, today, I'm going to write to you about a mish-mash, hodge podge of topics.

Topic #1: 1/2 Marathon Race Recap

Remember when I said I was going to do a full race recap? I haven't done it (obviously). And I'll tell you why. I thought about it and thought about it and I just couldn't think of a good way to write it. You know when something really cool/exciting/scary/funny/sad happens to you and the more you tell the story, the less special and emotional it seems? I don't want to do that to my experience. Also, sometimes, it's possible to just botch the story all together, then the specialness is really lost. I really don't want to do that. As most of you know, I have been active most of my life. I have done a lot of things that a lot of people (including myself at times) never thought I could do - and told me so on many occasions. Athletics don't necessarily come easy to me, even though I enjoy them so much. But what really hasn't come easy to me is running. I have always held myself back (I think), not believing I could become something better, faster, or more free. I was unsure, right up until the night before the 1/2, whether or not I could really reach this goal I had set for myself. And when I ran the first half of the race and felt a little like I was flying on adrenaline, then turned into Memorial Stadium, looked at my watch and KNEW I was going to beat my goal by almost 3 minutes, I felt so stinking good about myself, it's hard to express in words. I just don't think I could do my experience or my emotions justice with a blog post. I tried to share it with friends and family, but eventually decided that it was something I was going to keep all for myself. Secret memories for me to pull out and smile about whenever I feel like it. So, sorry (or luckily, however you want to look at it), no race recap.

Topic #2: Basic Update

My last official semester at the University of Nebraska ended a few weeks ago. Right now, I'm taking one hour of Statistics over the next couple of weeks and working like mad on my thesis. Over the summer, I'll be working three Husker volleyball camps, taking a couple of trips, finishing and defending my thesis, volunteering for the Special Olympics, and trying to get a tan. I'll graduate on August 14th and classes start at Missouri on August 23rd, so I'll be moving somewhere in between. I'm going to head down to Columbia with my mom at the beginning of June to look for a place to live. I need to find a place that's cheap, allows cats, and has some type of yard so Nellie can go outside.

Topic #3: Happiness Project

Right now I'm reading the book The Happiness Project. I love it. The author, Gretchen Rubin, writes very well. But, let's face it, there are plenty of well-written books out there. What really draws me to this one, what keeps me going back for more every night before bed, is the practicality of it all. I'm sure many of you have heard of, or even read, this book. But for those of you that haven't, here's what it's all about: The author considered herself to be a fairly happy person, with a job she loved, a great husband and two daughters. But she realized that she just wasn't appreciating life the way she wanted to. She was missing the little moments and missing out on the little happinesses that would make her life happier and more peaceful. So, she started the Happiness Project. She picked one broad area (like Money or Energy) to focus on each month for a year, then set small, concrete goals that would help her in those areas.
This, in my opinion, is an absolutely fantastic idea. I'm thinking of starting my own Happiness Project, but will, of course, have to make it unique to the areas of my life in which I feel I could find more happiness or appreciate things a little more. I, too, am a generally happy person. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful family, amazing friends, a caring boyfriend, my health, an opportunity to work towards the career that I want, an adorable cat :) and so many other great things going for me. But, I can tend to get bogged down by the little things that overwhelm me, rather than appreciating the positive. I am going to contemplate this a little more and will report back when I've made a decision...

I hope you're all doing well. Somehow Nebraska managed only a couple weeks of spring before heading right into summer over the weekend.
How's the weather where you are? Do any of you have opinions on The Happiness Project or have you thought about starting your own?

The Blues

2010-05-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

Good morning!

I had planned to give a recap of my race in my next blog post, but I'm not really feeling it today and have decided to wait for that until I'm all pumped and peppy about it again.

Today (and for the last couple of days)... I have the BLUES. We'll call them the "post race blues." It's pretty normal to feel a little down after something big has ended, you know? Like, if you've been looking forward to your best friend's wedding for months and months, and the wedding is tons of fun, but once it's over, you just feel kind of a let down. Or when you work your butt off for years toward graduation and you're THRILLED to be graduating, but once you do you think, "Now what?" Well, after 4 months of running in the snow, on the ice, early in the morning, in the evening humidity preparing for ONE THING - a 2:18 half marathon - it's over. And I'm feeling a little down about it.

I'm totally ecstatic about the time I was able to achieve (remember? 2:15:29!!!) and I don't think that will go away for a very long time. But, let's face it. The race is over, my last semester (minus the crazy amount of thesis work I have to do this summer) at Nebraska is winding down, and in just a few short months, I'm going to have to pack up the life I've built for myself here in Lincoln and move it to a new state. And I really like my life here. A lot. Lincoln is my home and I love it. There are bike trails, beautiful seasons (we'll leave last winter out of this), a few great restaurants, friends, boyfriend, and family. There is something so comforting about knowing a place the way we all know the place we've lived in the longest. I love being able to drive down a street and recall memories from several years ago. I love that I still live in the same zip code as the park I played in and home I lived in when I was a child (some might argue that I still am a child...). I'm going to miss all of those things. And it's a little sad to realize that once I move away this time, it may be quite a while before I'm back again.

Plus, I'm not so good with change. While my little sister was rearranging her bedroom every other week when we were younger, I might put a new poster up, but everything else stayed just as it was - just as it was supposed to be. And I'm realizing that as I get older and grow into more of an adult, I'm dealing with the small changes better and better, but the big ones (like moving to a new town, starting at a new school) are becoming harder. I'm becoming more settled and content to be so.

But the really sad thing, I think, and that I have realized with the finale of this race, is that these last few months were my last time to train for a race with my running group - The Peeps. They are the most wonderful group of people I have ever known and it has been nothing but a true pleasure to endure even the hardest of runs with them. We laugh together, cry together, hurt together, help each other through rough spots (personal and physical), support each other when no one else does, and have probably shared more with one another during our hundreds of miles than we've shared with a lot of other people in our lives. They are the reason I've rolled my grumpy, tired butt out of bed before 6 a.m. on many occasions - and they always make it worth my while. A very special bond is formed when you spend mile after mile with someone. I am so lucky to have found this in them and I'm going to miss it when I'm gone.

Enough wallowing, though. I have a plan and I have a good cup of coffee. Nothing can stop August from coming, but there are a few things I can do to enjoy May, June, and July more and some things I can do to get EXCITED about August, rather than depressed. For starters, once I finish up with the rest of this semester's school stuff this week, I'm going to take a couple of days completely OFF. I'm going to get a hair cut. I'm going to bake some cookies. I'm going to go for a run with my Peeps, and then to the Farmer's Market. I'm going to celebrate Mother's Day with my mom. Then I'm going to get down to work finishing this thesis. I'm also going to make a summer running plan for myself. One of my long-term goals is to continue to get faster, so this summer, I'm going to commit to making that happen. I also might give swimming a try? I don't know - I really hate the chlorine-y feeling after getting out of the pool. Plus, I'd rather be outside. We'll see. And I plan to make a couple of trips down to Columbia to find a place to live and get a little better-accustomed to the place so it doesn't feel like such a shock when I move.

For now, I have a crap ton of grading to do and a few loose ends to tie up for my statistics class. Oh, and a hair cut to schedule.

(By the way, I wish I had a picture with all of the Peeps in it, but I don't. This is just the most recent Peep picture.)

Well...

2010-05-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the Lincoln Half Marathon. As you'll recall, my goal was to finish in 2 hours and 18 minutes, which was pretty lofty, considering that I finished October's Des Moines 1/2 Marathon in about 2:25 and last year's Lincoln 1/2 in just over 2:35.

And... (drumroll, please) ...

2:15:29!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's 20 minutes faster than I ran last year's race in! : ) Today, I'm hobbling around the house like I'm 90 years old, but I don't even care. It was more than worth it.

Thanks to everyone for your support and encouragement. Thanks to my mom for hightailing it around the course on her bike yesterday so that she could cheer for me and take pictures; she totally believed I could do it and was probably just about as excited as I was to see me do it (how lucky am I?). Thanks to Ann, Aaron, and my Peeps for believing in me. And CONGRATULATIONS to Aaron and each of my running Peeps yesterday - every ONE of us set a new PR and met our goals!!!!!! Thanks to the 2010 YMCA Lincoln Marathon Class for the inspiration and encouragement. Special thanks to all of those of you cheering out on the course yesterday (you know who you are - it wasn't easy, but you put your hearts and souls into it anyway).

There will be more details on the race to come. But for now, I need to study for my Statistics final.

GOALS

2010-04-29T07:46:00.001-07:00

Hey there. I just wrote this incredibly long, dull, melancholy post about how I'm feeling sad that the arrival and passing of race day means that I'm going to have to face the fact that I'll be moving away from Lincoln, things are changing, blah, blah, blah. Then I decided to erase and start over. This is no time for negativity, people, SUNDAY IS RACE DAY!!!!!!

This Sunday, May 2nd, I'll be running the Lincoln Half Marathon (as most of you already know). I'm excited, nervous, ready, not ready, and so on. Last year, I was nervous because I really had no idea what to expect. But really, I just wanted to finish the race in a respectable time (respectable in my mind, anyway). THIS YEAR, on the other hand, I have set a goal for myself. I have TOLD people about my goal, and I have spent the last few weeks going back and forth in my mind, wondering if it's possible to reach this goal.

Let me tell you something that I believe: I believe that we have to set goals. Then we have to tell people about them (because they will hold you accountable). Then we have to tell EVERYONE about them. Then we have to believe within ourselves that the goal is possible. And then we have to not look back. We have to not even let the possibility of not reaching the goal enter our minds. That is the hard part.

I have set goals in my time (as I already talked about a few posts back) and I have achieved the really big ones. I got cut from the volleyball teams in 8th, 9th and 10th grades. But I worked my ass off (pardon the cuss word, but trust me, I worked really hard) and made the team in 11th and 12th grades. Then I played volleyball for a junior college, then for a Division II Top 10 team. I believed every step of the way that I could do it. There was no doubt in my mind that I was good enough and strong enough to do it. And I did it.

I have yet to feel that way about running. I'm not all that fast (yet). It's not something that comes very naturally to me (unlike my boyfriend who can train relatively little and go out and just run 13 miles!). But I suppose volleyball didn't come all that naturally, either. I just loved it so much that I MADE myself good at it. I worked on improving myself for years until I was finally good enough to stand on my own. And I loved it so much that I chose to believe in myself through all of the ups and downs.

So, here it is. I've set my goal and told some people about it (steps 1 & 2). Now, I'm telling EVERYONE: My goal is 2 hours and 18 minutes.

Now, I'm believing in myself. I believe in my abilities as a runner. I have worked hard week after week for the last four months. I am ready to run on Sunday. I am going to have a GREAT race. And I am going to reach this goal, come hell or high water. BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN DO IT. I am STRONG ENOUGH to do it - no matter what adversity I may face that morning.

And now... I'm not looking back.

I WILL FINISH THE LINCOLN HALF MARATHON IN 2 HOURS AND 18 MINUTES.

And I will look like crap on the big screen of Memorial Stadium as I run across the finish at the 50 yard line. hahaha

To everyone running on Sunday, GOOD LUCK! To anyone out there attempting any sort of goal of their own - GO FOR IT!!!! To anyone who might like to come down and cheer on the Lincoln runners on Sunday - we'd love to have you. It's an awesome thing to watch 8,000 people try to achieve something like that... And it's equally as awesome to have people cheer for you as you attempt to do it.

Strength from Letting Go

2010-04-20T05:27:00.000-07:00

That's a pretty deep title... I don't really know yet whether or not the content will match it, so, come on along on the ride with me...

This morning, as yoga class was starting, our instructor (Thomas) mentioned that we would be working our center (aka core, aka *yikes* - although since I had rushed through my core stuff at the gym yesterday, I knew I needed it). Then he talked about finding strength through letting go; finding support through opening. In physical terms, the point of really engaging your center is so that the rest of you can move more freely. But, these phrases had such powerful meaning to me on a level that went way beyond the physical. So, I made them my intention for the day and yoga'd on.

As I was working my way through the (sometimes grueling) poses, I continued to come back to this idea of strength through letting go. This is absolutely NOT the first time I have considered such a notion. Most recently, it came to me as I was walking along the beach on our last full day in Sanibel... Sometimes I am just so damn uptight. I do what I'm supposed to do, when I'm supposed to do it (for the most part), I don't usually let my true deep-down feelings out into the open, sometimes I even laugh when it's appropriate, at the socially appropriate decibel. Type A all the way, baby. Good lord.

Being open and letting go are two of the things I struggle with more than almost anything else in my life. And I'm not entirely sure why (although I'm pretty sure I come by it honestly). I suppose it has something to do with the notion that if I never really put myself out there for the world to see, I can't really be rejected by anyone. In essence, if they do reject me (which I'm absolutely sure is more likely to happen when not being truly open), it's not really me they're rejecting - it's the uptight, non-open, non-letting go me. I don't mean to say that I'm not myself. I believe that as I've gotten older, I have become more and more authentic and more and more real to everyone around me, mostly all of the time. So, it's not that you all have known a fake me, it's just that I'm not revealing everything about who I am. The scary, painful, really challenging stuff is kept to myself and the funny, upbeat, sometimes stressed (but always "together"), type A self is shown to the world.

The intent here, though, isn't to psychoanalyze myself, but to talk about being open and letting go. What do you think of when you think of those things? When I think of being open, I picture myself with my arms open wide, embracing people, embracing life. When I think of letting go, I literally picture myself dancing in some big field of flowers, spinning around and around, without a care in the world, letting go of every reservation and fear (and probably sneezing like crazy from all the pollen). Aren't these lovely thoughts?

As I walked along the beach that last afternoon in Sanibel, and the sun was starting to fall beneath the ocean in the distance, I thought to myself, "What would it hurt?" What would it hurt to fully express my love and affection for someone, to be open with myself, give hugs, allow others (not everyone, of course - strangers on the street don't need to know if I'm having the worst day in the world) to see all of me? What would it hurt to laugh as loud and as hard as I want, whether it's situationally appropriate or not? Or, conversely, what would it hurt NOT to laugh if I don't think something's funny? What would it hurt (this is timely) to just WRITE (I'm talking about my thesis, which I edit, edit again, then erase and write over) without regard for how anyone is going to critique or criticize?

But being truly open and completely letting go are hard, aren't they? Because we know that in doing so, we open ourselves up for the possibility of real pain if the real you is rejected. However, I would like you all to take just a moment to consider what else we open ourselves up to (as will I)... Real love, real acceptance, real happiness, real connectedness, fullness, and maybe even peace. In my mind, I believe that those things outweigh the pain. The real challenge is convincing the rest of me and putting it into action. And that is my goal for the next ... however long. To be open. To let go. Sure, I'll ALWAYS be a total Type A - I'll make lists, I'll set goals and work diligently towards them, I'll feel all aflutter when I see a REALLY GOOD pre-made checklist, I'll get upset when things don't go as planned or when I'm asked to do something that wasn't already on my schedule (geez.). But maybe I'll be better at showing people I care. Maybe I'll be able to take things in stride a little better, let go, and enjoy the possibilities that an unplanned event might offer. Heck, maybe as I'm holding my center tight, holding onto who I am, I'll be able to spin and spin and let go of everything else...

Ok, this was just about as deep as the title suggested. Too much for a Tuesday morning before 9:00? Go grab another cup of coffee.

The Make It or Break It Moment

2010-04-07T16:01:00.000-07:00

With the Lincoln Half Marathon quickly approaching, I have found myself thinking a lot about my goals for this race and how I'm going to accomplish them. I won't talk about how unfortunate it is that the timing of the race coincides catastrophically with the beginning of Finals Week or how taper time (the time when you cut back your weekly miles to rest your legs before the big day) SHOULD equal more time to think about school work, but in fact it equals more time spent thinking about the upcoming race, reading books and magazines about running, etc. etc. ...

As I have been considering these goals, I have been thinking back to previous races that I've run, the goals I had for them, and some of my moments of glory and failure. I have set goals that I had no idea whether or not I could reach and no idea how to go about reaching them, which usually led to me falling short. I have set goals and worked hard to achieve them, and a few times have set no goals at all. Now, let me tell you, looking back, that seems odd. I am a VERY goal oriented person (can we say Type A personality?). I operate best when I have clear goals and clear ideas about how I am going to achieve them. This has always been the case for me - in sports, in school, in life. This year, I have a clear goal, and I'm going to work out a very straightforward plan that I hope will help me reach it.

One thing is sure, though: whether I've met my running goals over the last couple of years or not, I have learned at least one important lesson during every race. Maybe it's about what to eat next time, that 40 degrees is just a little too warm for a jacket, or that I like to talk during the first part of a race, but prefer not to towards the end. Some of the lessons are a lot bigger and more important. Like last year during the Novartis 10K (6.2 miles), I wasn't having a great race, but decided I wanted to finish strong. As I was climbing the last big hill, I realized that it may hurt for a few minutes, but I could do it. Or during the State Farm 10 mile race just a few weeks ago when I learned that if I'm tired, I just need to focus on putting one foot in front of the other for a while, and eventually I'll make it.

When do those lessons come? Once in a while they come during the few miles where I'm feeling great, smiling, and in love with life, but most of the really important lessons have come at what I like to call my "Make It or Break It Moment." The "Make It or Break It Moment" is that one moment when you are faced with two choices: stopping and quitting or breaking down the brick wall that is fear and pain. During that moment I think to myself, "Ok. You can stop right here, right now and walk. Or, you can find a little more strength and push through this." It's the hardest point in the race - the part that challenges literally every fiber of your being. It's also the defining moment of your race.

We have defining moments like this in life all the time (or at least I seem to). Moments when things are really hard and the last thing you want to do is take one more step forward into a sometimes painful or scary situation. But I continue to be reminded, with each run and each race that taking that step (or hundreds of them) is the only way to get to the other side - the heavenly side with food and Gatorade on it. ... except in life, no one is there to put a medal around your neck...

I don't know yet when the defining moment of my half marathon will come. Last year it came during the last tenth of a mile. In the State Farm race this year it came as I was running around that stupid building, searching desperately for the finish line (any of you that have run that race know exactly what I mean). In last weekend's 12 mile training run, my "Moment" came at mile 10. My legs hurt, my knees hurt, my shoulders and neck were tight, my lungs were burning. I didn't want to take one more step forward. But I did. And I learned that even when I don't want to, even when I think I can't, even when I feel like everything is falling apart, I can still put one foot in front of the other and continue on.

After All This Time

2010-04-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

It's official! I'm going to be a Tiger!

Ok, ok. I'll always really only be a Husker, but I have decided that I'll be entering the PhD program at the University of Missouri.

As most of you know, it's been a long, long process that started almost a year ago. Over the last year, I have been to Salt Lake City, Utah, Eugene, Oregon, Seattle and Pullman, Washington, Philadelphia, PA, and Columbia, Missouri to try to put myself in the best position possible to be accepted to the programs I applied to and to learn as much as possible about them in order to make the right decision when it came down to it.

I'm not going to lie, it was a very time- and money-intensive process, but I believe that all of my hard work has paid off. Missouri has a great up-and-coming program with lots of young, well-known faculty members who I am very excited to work with. The woman that will be my advisor, Mary Shenk, comes from the University of Washington and, from what I can tell so far, is a real go-getter who is motivated to do new and interesting research in the field of anthropology.

Through my experience at Nebraska, I have learned how important it is to have a good relationship with your advisor. I received (and am still receiving) a lot of help and advice from several of the faculty members here at NU and the experience has been invaluable. In the end, though, it was my advisor (and a secondary advisor as well) that went to bat for me. I was incredibly lucky to have stumbled onto a program that was in my hometown (which made the decision about a Master's program pretty dang easy) and had two of the most well-known evolutionary anthropologists in the country. I have been even luckier that they are not only VERY smart people, but that they are interested in my success. I have done a lot of the hard work necessary to be successful at this level, but without their constant support and guidance, I'm more than certain that my PhD application process wouldn't have been nearly the success that it was. I believe that with Mary Shenk at Missouri, I will be working with another advisor who wants me to be successful, will give me every tool I need to do so, and will go to bat for me when the time comes to find a job. At that time, I will be very happy to have my name associated with hers (I only hope she can say the same once this is all said and done...).

Of course it doesn't hurt that Columbia, Missouri is only 5 hours from home, or that one of my best friends lives in Kansas City, which is only an hour and a half from Columbia (and on the way home), or that one of my very good friends here in Lincoln also got her PhD from Missouri and gives it a glowing recommendation. These things did not help me make my decision, but they are certainly icing on the cake.

I would have LOVED to live in Seattle, or work with some of the downright amazing minds at Utah, or do my fieldwork with the Aka hunter-gatherers in the Congo Basin. It was hard to choose to give those things up. But, for whatever reason, Missouri just feels right. It feels like a place that I will enjoy calling home for the next few years.

I have now officially accepted the offer from Missouri and have officially declined offers from the other three schools. So now, I've got to worry about finishing my statistics class, writing a stellar thesis, and graduating in August. Then I can pack my things and head off for a new adventure!

Thanks to all of you for your concern and support throughout this process. Oh, and I know that all of you Lincoln people were rooting for Missouri all along... I was onto you.

Busy, busy, busy

2010-03-28T09:19:00.001-07:00

Hi all!

Once again, it's been a while! I have this problem lately... I have so much work to do with my thesis and my statistics class that I feel guilty if I spend time working on anything else. I know that it's a bit ridiculous to feel that way, but nevertheless, I do. So, blogging has fallen by the wayside. I have another busy day of thesis work ahead of me today, but I wanted to at least check in and give you a quick update on what I've been up to these last few weeks.

First, let me say that my trip to Sanibel, Florida was absolutely the best possible trip at the best possible time. I could write a number of posts about that trip alone, but unfortunately, I don't have time. Let me just say that I boarded the plane feeling stressed out, frazzled, like I was burning the wick from both ends, but I got off the plane feeling rested, relaxed, much happier, and TAN. haha Sanibel has some sort of special power over me - one that makes me think deeply and reflect on parts of my life that I neglect during my busy day-to-day life. I hope that this is a trip my mom and I can continue to take together, no matter what happens to come up in our lives.

Luckily for me, we got back to Nebraska just before my official spring break started. I used the week to gather my thoughts and write the first chapter of my thesis, which has now been scrapped by my advisor. (I'm in the process of re-starting today.)

After spring break, I left again, but this time headed for Washington State University in Pullman, WA. I had visited the campuses of the other three schools I had applied to, and felt that a visit to WSU was necessary in order to help me make a fully-informed decision about which PhD program I'll attend. The trip was very informative and has definitely helped me organize my thoughts about my decision. Although I have not officially told any of the schools about my decision, I'm getting close. I feel pretty good about the school I *think* I've chosen, but want to just sit with the decision for a little while to make sure that I still feel the same way. As soon as it's for sure, I'll let you know!

These whirlwind weeks culminated yesterday with the 10 mile State Farm race. I ran the same race last year and finished in 1 hour 50 minutes 32 seconds, so my goal this year was to beat that time. It was a HARD race with a very muddy trail. I was tired and hurting at the end, but I finished in 1 hour 46 minutes 52 seconds, beating last year's time by 3 and a half minutes! Considering the muddy conditions, I feel great about that. I also feel pretty confident that I can set a new PR in May's half marathon and maybe even make my goal time (which, for me, is a pretty challenging one).

Alright, enough blogging. I'm off to work on my thesis. I need to turn in a detailed outline of my first chapter so that my advisor can make sure it's right before I start writing. These next couple of months seem like they'll be pretty busy and stressful (I think you'd be hard pressed to find a graduate student who isn't stressed out in the middle of "thesis time"...), but I'm going to try to carve out some time each week to post at least a short update. I enjoy writing this blog very much, and think that most of you enjoy reading it. Plus, I'll just chalk it up to writing practice (in case my thesis isn't enough).

Still Kickin'

2010-03-04T06:08:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, I know... If it's possible, I'm nearly as busy this semester as I was last semester and that's been hindering my blogging time and my thinking time. I don't have anything earth-shattering to say today except that I will be one happy camper once this week is over! My mom and I are leaving on Saturday for a vacation in Sanibel, Florida - one of my very favorite places. I am so excited, but have a lot to accomplish between now and then, so I'm really trying to work hard to make that happen.

Specifically, I have a statistics test hanging over my head that MUST be taken before I leave town. I also have to prepare to write the first chapter of my thesis and prepare to do research for the second chapter so that I can get everything I need together to take on the trip. In case you're wondering ... yes, I will be doing some work on this trip. And here's why I'm happy (yes, happy) about that: I will have one full week to do what I need to do without being interrupted or distracted with things like meetings and people needing this or that. THEN, the following week will be my spring break, which means ANOTHER week free of interruptions! Ahhhhhhhhhh... That thought almost makes me as happy as the thought of laying on the beach, eating blueberry pancakes for breakfast, and shopping at the awesome outlet malls -- ALMOST.

Hopefully this next week will be a relaxing and mind-clearing opportunity. I am someone that loves to travel and see new places, but once in a while, I think that a vacation should be pure, unadulterated R&R - which should DEFINITELY involve a beach.

Have a great end to your week and I'll be back soon!

Support

2010-02-16T05:39:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a lot about support lately. As decision time looms near (and for the record, the official acceptance count is now 2, Washington State and Missouri, with 1st or 2nd place on Washington's alternate list, and Utah's decision coming any day now...) and some other events transpire in my life, it seems to me that I require an abnormally large amount of support these days. It also occurs to me that some very special people in my life have needed more support from me than they probably normally do. As I think about these things, it occurs to me that support is a complex issue. Sometimes we need it, sometimes we give it, sometimes we move along, totally unaware of it. It looks different to different people and even looks different to the same person in different situations.

It's a fairly tricky thing to offer support to someone. Some people want to talk, some people just want to be left alone, knowing that you're there if they need you. Some people like to be asked, "How's it going today?", some people don't (just fyi, I'm usually in the "don't" category -- that question makes me cry and I'm not a big fan of crying in front of other people). Sometimes, a small gesture is appropriate (my old roommate, one of my best friends, used to take me out for a beer or stop by the grocery store for ice cream if she knew I was having a bad day), sometimes a big gesture is even more appropriate. Sometimes just showing up when you're supposed to, where you're supposed to means the world. We don't always know what to do, when to do it, how to do it because support is complicated and it isn't always easy.

What it really boils down to, though, I think, is someone standing beside you when you need them most. Someone who is on your side and who, in that moment, is there only for you. Support can come from anyone - even from within yourself.

In yoga this morning, we were asked to consider the relationships in our lives that mean the most to us and offer up our practice to them. I immediately thought of all of the people in my life who love me, who make me laugh and who stand beside me. Then, I thought of myself. I thought that in that hour, I was going to be on my own side and be there only for myself. I decided to give myself the love and the support that I have been needing and offer my practice to myself. And although it may sound silly or sort of out there, this morning, with the heat of the room wrapped around me, that support was tangible.

Have a very happy Tuesday, everyone. And may each of you find the warmth and the support that you need today, no matter what it looks like, no matter where it comes from.

School!

2010-02-02T15:06:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! Due to a busy (although not terribly stressful yet, which is nice) schedule and a few personal bumps in the road lately, I haven't felt incredibly inspired to write lately. HOWEVER, there is one MAJOR thing going on that I want to share with you all: SCHOOL!!!

I have been preparing to apply and applying to PhD programs for the last 10 months or so. It has been a VERY time, energy, and monetarily intensive process, but in the end I think it has been worth it. I made trips to 4 programs: University of Utah, University of Oregon, University of Washington, and University of Missouri. I also spent countless hours researching different universities and contacting faculty and students at all of the places I was interested in. In the end I applied to the University of Utah, the University of Washington, the University of Missouri, and Washington State. I felt very satisfied with each of those decisions, so much so that I decided if I was only accepted to one of the programs, I would be happy with whichever one it was. I also thought, once I sent off my last application, that I wouldn't have to think about things much until late February or early March, when I was supposed to start hearing from the programs... Things never happen when we think they will, do they?

Last week I made my trip down to Columbia, MO to meet some faculty, check out the city, and just get a general feel for what the program is like. I did NOT expect to come away with the general feeling that I would be receiving an acceptance letter in the mail and a possibility to work on a grant! (I should emphasize here that I haven't received said letter yet, and I don't know anything for sure, but am feeling pretty confident based on conversations that I had.) So, that was pretty exciting, but again, I decided to wait until I started hearing from everyone officially before I put too much thought into decision-making. THEN, this past Saturday and Monday, letters came from two schools! I found out that I am an alternate at the University of Washington, which is pretty stinking good, considering they have a few spots and over a hundred applications every year. I also found out that I have been ACCEPTED to Washington State AND that they have a teaching assistant position to offer me as well!!!! Now I'm waiting on news from Utah and official news from Missouri, and possibly more news from Washington.

It's pretty exciting (and has thrown me a little off-balance as, like I said, I didn't think I was going to have to think about this stuff yet)! I have worked really hard over the last year and a half, not just to make sure I applied to the right places, but also to do well in classes and in the program I am in now. I wanted to put myself in the best possible position to get into a good PhD program, so that I might give myself a chance to compete for a good job when I'm done. As I said earlier, if I am accepted only to Washington State and Missouri, I would be thrilled to be a part of either program and will have a very hard decision on my hands. I don't know what I'm going to decide yet. I'm not really leaning one way or the other. I'm planning to wait until I have four letters (acceptance, alternate, or rejection) in my hands before I start weighing the pros and cons and make a final decision. Once I do, I will be sure to let you know! Until then, thank you all for the encouragement, support, and positive thoughts you have been sending my way ever since I started down this road. It means a lot to have so many people behind me and has certainly helped me push through some of the really stressful (and sometimes even discouraging) times. It has also made the successes even sweeter because I enjoy telling you all that it wasn't for nothing! : )

Hopefully some inspiration for regular posting will return soon. Until then, take care and enjoy the sunny days when we get them!

Unsure

2010-01-12T05:36:00.000-08:00

Good morning! Although it may not seem it, to me it feels like a long time since I last posted. Although it seems (in my mind) like I have several topics to write on, right now, I just don't have much to say!

My holiday break was pretty much consumed by the H1N1 and PhD applications (which I am happy to report are one step away from being DONE!), and yesterday I started back to the grind. Normally, at the beginning of a new year, I like to take some time to gather my thoughts, clean my room, organize my workspace, get my calendars and schedules all lined up with each other, and set some goals for myself. That hasn't happened yet this year, and it is making me feel sort of uneasy. I have a plan to make a vision board (which I will likely explain and share in a later post) to help remind me of the things, feelings, attitudes I want to keep at the forefront of my mind during the year ahead. However, since I haven't even set any goals or decided exactly what those things are yet, it's significantly slowing the vision board-making process.

I think, maybe, part of the problem is ALL of the ambiguity that lies ahead of me. Between now and May, I have a good idea of the basic things that will be happening in my life: I will be in school, I will train for and run the Lincoln Half Marathon, I will continue living where I am, I will receive a paycheck in the same amount on the same day every month. Once May is over, though, it's all up in the air. I don't know if I will be graduating in May or August, I don't know if I will need to take a calculus class (*gasp*) in the summer, or if I will need to find a summer job (which is a scary thought, considering lots of people can't even find full-time jobs right now), and then, the BIG one... I don't know where I'm going to be living or what program I will be in come August (heck, I don't even know if it will be August or September, as many of the schools start at different times). Ambiguity, being unsure of what lies ahead, the possibility of a lack of security, are very scary things for me. Right now, I am ok with the fact that I don't know anything about school in the fall yet - I've been through this process once before and I'm sure everything will work out. I am struggling with the idea of having to find money over the summer, but that is something I will deal with when the time comes. I think, though, that these major question marks in my life are driving my inability to set goals for myself (that, and the lack of time to really sit down and think about goals) and my lack of inspiration for starting my brand new semester all bright and squeaky clean. So, Sunday night, I wrote down a list of everything that I want to accomplish this MONTH and then everything for this WEEK. And one of my goals for this week is to take care of those beginning of the year tasks that I haven't dealt with yet. I will clean my room and organize my desk so that I have an open space where I can be productive. I will take some time to think about the things that I want for myself this year and what I need to work on (ahem... accepting uncertainty???), then I will take all the time I want to make a clear vision board that will be meaningful to me. I will get my schedule and myself on track for this semester (I am writing my thesis - yikes!). I might even take a bath and have a glass of wine (or a beer - is it unclassy to be in the bathtub with a bottle of beer? maybe as long as it's not a can...).

I officially declare this week the week that I will get my sh*t together! At least for the semester. I can deal with the rest of it when it comes, right???

This morning's intention in yoga was "Embrace the Fear!" I'm reading a great meditational book right now that I'll have to tell you all about later - the intention came from that. Rather than ignoring, hiding, masking our fear, we are supposed to embrace and accept it. I'll get back to you once I figure out why...

I hope you all have had a fabulous start to the new year!

Good Times in 2009: Wrapping it up

2009-12-30T21:38:00.000-08:00

The first part of the semester was fairly uneventful (which was good, considering what was coming up!). I spent most of my time doing school work and getting ready to run the Des Moines 1/2 Marathon. I also started this blog. Here are some of my favorite posts so far:

The Food I Eat

Morning Goodness

What I'm thinking about this morning...

Starting Fresh

Once October came, so did the busyness! I was in my very good friend's wedding one weekend and ran the Des Moines Half Marathon the next. Then, it was back to Iowa for Halloween with Aaron and some of his friends.

November also started with a weekend in Iowa (my goodness - I was in Iowa an awful lot this fall!!!) with my mom. On the way, I picked her up at a friend's cabin near the Platte River where she had been celebrating her friend Sue's 60th birthday (the picture above is of the two of them -- I only HOPE I look so good!). We headed to Ames to watch the Husker volleyball team take on the Cyclones. It was expected to be a knock-down-drag-out, but we swept Iowa State in 3 straight sets. It was a really fun trip, even if the volleyball wasn't all we expected.

November was another extremely busy month. I travelled to Dallas to be in another very close friend's wedding, took the GRE, wrote a term paper, took two Statistics tests, prepared my PhD application for the University of Washington, and celebrated Thanksgiving with the fam somewhere in there.

December started with a trip to Philadelphia for the American Anthropological Association's annual meeting. Over the summer, as you know, I had a chance to meet people from two of the PhD programs I intend to apply to, so the trip to the conference was a great opportunity to meet people from the other two. It was totally amazing to meet and hear some of my Anthropology idols speak, and was extremely informative meeting with some anthropologists that I may be working with in a PhD program. Luckily, my mom agreed to be my traveling partner, so I had moral support and someone to shop with! December also brought two HUGE snow storms to Lincoln. Lucky me (and everyone else at UNL) the first fell during Dead Week. That gave me some extra time to prepare for finals week and tie up a few loose ends. Once I made it through the end of my semester, Aaron and I went to Kansas City to celebrate!!! The weekend was so much fun and WAY TOO SHORT! We'll have to venture back soon...

I ended the year in style... With the h1n1 virus! :( Not the best way I can think of to spend my break or the holidays, but no better time to be sick and housebound than when you're totally snowed in, right? Fortunately, I got better just in time for New Years Eve! I made it to an afternoon event at the yoga studio (which I'll write more about later) and then Aaron and I went to Omaha for a nice dinner with his mom and a night out with some friends. It was a wonderful way to celebrate 2009 and welcome 2010.

Looking back over these last few posts, I can't believe how much I did last year!!!!! It was an incredibly busy and fun-filled year and I wouldn't do anything differently. I made some amazing friends, traveled to new places, and pushed myself to my limits once or twice (like when I wanted to pass out 100 yards before the finish line, but kept going...). Thank you to friends and family for supporting me and going on adventures with me in 2009. It was a WONDERFUL year, and I absolutely can't wait to see what 2010 will bring! Happy New Year!!!

Good Times in 2009: Part 3

2009-12-30T20:36:00.000-08:00

My goodness! I've only gotten through the first 7 months of the year so far!!! So... On we go!

At the end of July, we celebrated Aaron's birthday in style(? - haha) with a party with lots of friends, margaritas, and and an awesome cake. Then, he and I were off to Colorado for a weekend of hiking and hanging out in Estes Park. Our first full day included a short hike then hot dogs and smores with friends. Funnily enough, my friend from school, Jared, and his girlfriend, Ari, were on a cross-country road trip and just happened to be camping just outside of Estes while we were there! It was great to see them.

The next morning, we were up bright and early and off to hike the Chasm Lake Trail. It was an 8 mile hike, which we figured would take a few hours... 6 hours of breathtaking scenery later, we made it back to the car. It was well worth it, but let me tell you - we were exhausted and starving! It was such a relaxing trip and a great way to end the summer.

Just before school started, my cousin, Nick, married a WONDERFUL woman! It was a weekend of wedding extravaganza with the fam. We were absolutely thrilled to welcome Kara and her family into ours. The wedding was simple and beautiful. And, with that, it was time for school to start again...

Good Times in 2009: Part 2

2009-12-30T12:57:00.001-08:00

Today officially marks ONE WEEK of sickness! This totally BITES. I am assuming that it is a combination of a few things: the stupid h1n1, the letdown of the end of a REALLY tough semester, and the fact that I was seriously slacking on sleep and vitamins just before I got sick. I am really, really, really hoping to feel better for tomorrow night because it's NEW YEARS EVE! Everyone needs a little fun in their life on NYE, right?!?!?!

So... Here's part 2 of my 2009 recap, for any interested parties...

I had always wanted to visit the Northwest Coast and in July, I was given the perfect opportunity! My friend Meghan was driving out to Eugene, OR to spend a few weeks house-sitting for a friend, so I drove out with her! It was an incredible trip, filled with beautiful scenery, AMAZING food, and some really cool runs. We ran on Pre's Trail in Eugene (Steve Prefontaine was a legendary runner at the University of Oregon) and on the Seattle waterfront. We hiked near the coast and walked on the beach. Meghan was kind enough to tailor our trip to my needs and I was able to visit 3 potential PhD programs at the University of Utah, the University of Oregon, and the University of Washington. It was such an incredible trip and I would go back in a heartbeat.

Ok! Time to cheer on the Huskers in the Holiday Bowl! GO BIG RED!

Good Times in 2009: Part 1

2009-12-28T08:27:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is Monday and I'm STILL laid up! At least now I've made it out to the couch... I have decided that I was finally hit by the h1n1, so I'm just trying to be patient and ride it out. Lots of rest and fluids, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, as 2009 comes to a close, I thought I would look back over the last year and enjoy some of the memories. As I started to go through my pictures, I realized just how busy I've been! So, I am going to break up the year into 3 (maybe 4) posts so that I can be sure to get all of the good stuff in!

Last January, my mom and I went to Sanibel, Florida. It was an absolutely amazing trip. We were only there for a few days, but those days included: shelling on a small, secluded island off of Captiva; LOTS of laying on the beach; the BEST whole wheat blueberry pancakes of my LIFE; renting bikes and riding all over the island; a 4 mile run on the beach... I could go on and on...

Also in January, I joined the Lincoln YMCA Marathon/Half Marathon class and started training to run the Lincoln Half Marathon. It was an awesome experience. When I started the class, 4 miles felt like a long run to me. Every week that we ran more than 4 miles was a new accomplishment. I ran a 5 mile race, a 10 mile race, and a 10K race. Then, in May, I ran and finished the Lincoln Half Marathon. Probably the best part of the experience, though, were the friends I made (and the boyfriend! haha). My running Peeps are an amazing group of people that I know I will stay friends with for a very long time.

I also managed to finish my first year of graduate school in 2009. It was not easy, but I did it! I made some great school friends as well, who helped keep me sane during the really challenging times.

At the end of May, I went on an accidental date for wine and cheese at Bread & Cup. Incidentally, that turned out pretty well... : )

The end of June brought with it a weekend trip to Chicago for one of my very best friend's bachelorette party. It was a fun-filled weekend, for sure!

And that's just the beginning... Stay tuned for more summer adventures...

Shèngdàn Kuàilè Xīnnián Kuàilè (Merry Christmas!)

2009-12-24T18:17:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas Eve! I'm sitting here in pj's with my mom and Mags, watching a movie and sipping 7Up (stomach flu beverage). At least I felt good enough to eat a little beef stew and cornbread tonight!

Anyway, I figured there was no better time than the present to revisit the Christmas I spent in Taiwan a couple of years ago...

I spent the days leading up to Christmas decorating my classroom. I decided that the best way to celebrate my favorite holiday (in a mostly non-Christian and non-Christmas celebrating country) was to help my students experience some of the traditions that my family practices every year. So, I made them a Christmas scene, complete with tree and gifts under it, snow, and a snowman (I'm not the MOST creative person, so this was a pretty big undertaking for me!). Then, we talked about how my family hangs ornaments on our tree every year, talking about the memories that each ornament brings back, and making new memories. Each student made an ornament of their own to hang on our classroom tree. They also all contributed a green handprint to the wreath we hung on the door to our classroom. Maybe the best of all were the Christmas lists that they made... Most of the girls asked for dolls, makeup, jewelry (yes, they were 1st and 2nd graders) and most of the boys asked for toy trains, airplanes, cars, and other "boy gifts". However, as I was hanging the lists on the wall, I noticed that Samuel (one of my favorite little boys) had asked for a Barbie! hahahaha When I asked him about it, he assured me the Barbie was a gift for his sister, but knowing his utter hatred for his sister, I have a sneaking suspicion that she never would have laid hands on that Barbie should Santa have made his way to Samuel's house!

On Christmas Eve, we had a Christmas game day/program at school. My class sang "Away In A Manger" and I wore a Santa Hat, and sweated like CRAZY in it - it was over 90 degrees in Chiayi that day!!! That night, I ate a caramel Santa that Kara sent me and watched Christmas movies.

Christmas is not an official holiday in Taiwan, so I had to work. Fortunately, though, it fell on a Tuesday that year, and I never had to work earlier than 5:00 p.m. on Tuesdays. On Christmas morning, I slept in, made eggs and sausage for breakfast (not the same as at home, but the idea was still there), watched Christmas movies, then headed to the Starbucks in the Chiayi mall. It was the perfect place to spend my Christmas day because it was one of the only places in town decked out for Christmas. Plus, even Taiwanese Starbucks have Gingerbread Lattes and Cranberry Bliss Bars! Thus, my love for Gingerbread Lattes began. I was sad and missing my family. It was the first time I had ever been away from them on Christmas and the smell and taste of the latte brought back a little of the comfort of home and on that day made me feel just a little less homesick. Now, every time I have one, I think about my Christmas in Taiwan and how grateful I am to be home now...

Ok. Off to finish watching Love Actually with the fam, maybe a little of The Christmas Story, then head to bed and wait for Santa to come! : )

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

p.s. Pictures from Taiwan Christmas and from this Christmas Eve!

Christmas Cookies?

2009-12-23T21:11:00.001-08:00

This year, I have been blessed with so many wonderful new friends and so many wonderful people in my life. I was also blessed with a graduate student's salary (if you can call $800/month a salary...). So, my idea to show all of these people how much I appreciate and care about them was to give them each a festive jar of some of the Christmas cookies that my mom, sister and I make every year. In theory, this was a great idea...

I made all of the proper preparations, bought enough ingredients to make extra of some of my favorite cookies, got the packaging, and made a list of some of the people I wanted to deliver these "gifts" to. But now, it looks as though the three of us may just have A LOT of cookies to eat. Or, actually, maybe it will just be my mom and sister taking charge...

Last night I came down with a nasty case of the stomach flu!!! Talk about bad timing! Not only are there cookies to deal with, but also our traditional Christmas Eve beef stew dinner, and Christmas morning breakfast, NOT TO MENTION stocking candy! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Keep your fingers crossed that I'm back to solid foods tomorrow, and stay tuned for a better Christmas post once I'm feeling up to it. In the mean time, drive safely if you're traveling for the holidays, enjoy time with friends and family, and have a nice Christmas Eve tomorrow!

Oh! And enjoy Aaron's new video blog!

Adendum

2009-12-09T19:17:00.000-08:00

Remember what I said yesterday? One exception: I do not - NOT - love shoveling. Or scraping off my windshield. DO. NOT.

I had plenty of work I should have been doing tonight, but had to dig my car and my mom's car out of our parking spots because a parking ban starts at midnight here in Lincoln so that the snow plows can come through and clear off the streets. And now, instead of working on my statistics project or my take-home midterm for another class, I am making oatmeal raisin cookies. You know why? Because after all of that shoveling... I deserve it, damn it! : )

I hope you're all warm in your homes tonight and ready to brave the roads tomorrow!

SNOW DAY!

2009-12-08T09:14:00.000-08:00

I don't have anything incredibly profound or interesting to say today (although I do have a trip to Philly to recap for you later), I just want to say that I love snow and I love snow days!!!

Normally, when I had a real job and lived in the real world, snow days were for lounging around, making cookies, watching movies, etc. Today, now that my life is that of a graduate student, I love this snow day because it has given me an entire day, uninterrupted by class or daily course work, during Dead Week no less!, to WORK!!! Is this sad? If it is, I don't care. Considering the amount of work I have to get done between now and next Friday, I am loving this!!!!! I am keeping my fingers crossed that Mother Nature pulls through for me and gives me another one tomorrow - right now, to me, that would be pure bliss.

My love for snow, on the other hand, is unchanging and unwavering. I love snow because it is pretty. It sparkles when the light hits it and last night it looked like someone was standing on the roof shaking glitter into the alleyway. Snow reminds me of the holidays. It makes me want to snuggle in a blanket with my cat close by and a good movie. It reminds me of one of (possibly) my favorite days (of all time) and makes me think of chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate. Snow makes me think of Christmas trees and spending time with my family.

Maybe it's because I'm sappy and sentimental. Or maybe it's because I'm a true Midwesterner at heart (something I am certainly proud of). Whatever the reason, the bottom line today is:

I. LOVE. SNOW.

Enjoy some peace and quiet tonight, and stay warm, wherever you are!

Thankful

2009-11-25T20:12:00.000-08:00

Seeing as how tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I thought I'd take the opportunity to write about a few things that I am most thankful for.

First and foremost, I am thankful for my family. My mom and my sister are two people I absolutely could not do without. They support me through thick and thin, they give me hugs when I need them, are always there to listen, and tease me constantly (to make sure I don't take myself too seriously, I'M SURE). I love them both very much, and more than anything else in the world, I am thankful for the two of them.

*I considered putting an embarrassing picture of the two of them up here, but thought it might negate all of the nice things I just said...

I am thankful for my wonderful friends who, even though I have been living in a hole for the last few months, never stop calling. I have so many different sets of friends -- volleyball friends from Lincoln and from Texas, running friends (who have become so much more than just people I run with), my two wonderful friends from Hastings, and very dear friends that have stuck with me since high school. Over the last year, these friends have had weddings and babies, lost loved ones and pets, triumphed and failed, and through it all, they have allowed me to remain in their lives and have never failed to be there for me when I needed them most.

I am thankful for the fact that (even though at times I want to deposit the entire contents of my desk into the trash can in one fell swoop) I am able to do something that I love. This has been the hardest semester of my life - unfortunately it's not over quite yet, and extra unfortunately, I'm sure there will be one in my future that tops this. However, every day, I get to get out of bed and pursue my dreams. I feel extremely fortunate, especially in an economic climate where some people have lost their jobs and their homes, to be able to do something that I enjoy so much, AND to have a steady (albiet small) income from doing it.

I am thankful that I have food to eat, clothes to wear, and a roof over my head. I am thankful to have a body (minus the knees) that has allowed me to run two half marathons and the mental toughness to finish them.

I am thankful for my cats that keep me company and keep me warm at night. (That's my Nellie in the picture.)

I am thankful for Aaron because he sees who I really am. He is one of the kindest, most genuine and open people I have ever known. He enjoys doing things that make me happy and appreciates the things that I do for him. I haven't always had this in my life, and I recognize how lucky I am to have it now.

There are so many more things to be thankful for and I couldn't possibly list them all here (I do have a paper to write this weekend, after all!). Tomorrow, as I (try not to) stuff myself with turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, and lots of pie ... as I sit around the dinner table with my mom, my sister, aunt, uncle, cousins, Aaron, and Aaron's family, I am going to try to remember how thankful I am - how lucky I am to have all of these things to be thankful for ... then I'm going to have another piece of pie...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

What are YOU thankful for???

Starting Fresh

2009-11-17T05:17:00.000-08:00

Do you know what I love about mornings? What motivates me to get out of bed at 5:15 every Tuesday and Thursday morning? The chance to start over.

Last night, I lay in bed fretting about all that has to be done over the next week and month, worrying that I might not be able to do it all. Here's a brief rundown for you, just in case I drop out of the blog universe for a while:

This week (today and tomorrow):

homework assignment due Saturday morning, Statistics homework due tomorrow, study for GRE, oil change, dinner with friends tonight, go to classes, Dallas for a wedding (Thursday through Sunday)

Next week:

Monday - classes and statistics test

Tuesday - the dreaded GRE (which I hope to goodness I will be prepared for!)

Wednesday - following Wednesday - write 16 page paper, finish 1 grad school application, prepare resume, prepare for upcoming BIG TIME conference, with Thanksgiving thrown in there somewhere

Following week: Thursday - Sunday - American Anthropological Association conference in Philadelphia, where I plan/hope to meet lots of people from the PhD programs I'm applying to

Week(s) after that: Statistics final exam, Human Growth & Development take home final (THANK GOODNESS!), grade 180+ papers (at least they're short!)

Then... Christmas break!!! aka heavy drinking and lots of sleep OR aka time to finish all other PhD applications (probably the second one).

Phew! That's A LOT! So... That explains why I was tossing and turning last night...

This morning, I rolled out of bed, drug myself into yoga class, and once I was seated on the mat, I realized what's so great about mornings -- especially yoga mornings. Luckily, usually, I wake up with very little recollection of what feelings or thoughts I was experiencing the night before. Yoga offers me a chance to jump into a brand new day; a chance to start fresh, with the attitude that I choose. I can erase all of the negativity I felt the night before, or I can embrace any happy thoughts or experiences and build on those. This morning, I chose to ERASE! My challenge for the rest of the week is to start each morning with the mindset that I choose, whether I go to yoga or not, and my intention for the day is: POSITIVITY!

Another great thing about mornings??? Banana nut oatmeal. It's calling my name.

Happy Tuesday!

I am a SUCKER

2009-11-10T12:56:00.000-08:00

Although the economy seems to be rebounding, apparently Corporate America doesn't think that's going to translate into $$ spent on Christmas this year. Hence, Christmas commercials began on November 1 and Target has had decorations out since before Halloween.

And guess what?!?!?!?! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

In need of a MAJOR pick-me-up (after a very challenging, very sweaty 5:45 yoga class this morning I'm dragging a little), a light clicked on... It's Gingerbread Latte time at Starbucks!!! So, I hightailed it over there and in less than 15 minutes, I was on my way back to my office, warm, yummy drink in hand. As I walked, sipping my coffee (and probably with a comically dreamy, far off look on my face), I recalled why I love this drink so much (that story will come later) and why I'm so PUMPED to celebrate the holidays this year!

I've always loved the holidays, but after one year spent sweating my ass off in a Santa hat, entertaining 2nd and 3rd graders, and just generally missing my family while in Taiwan, and then another holiday season bummed out about the break-up of a 3 year relationship, I'm ready to get in the holiday spirit!!!!!

So, I plan to have many gingerbread lattes (with a few pumpkin spice thrown in for good measure) between now and Christmas, roam the isles of Target looking at ornaments and getting super excited on the inside about all of the twinkly lights long before it's seasonally appropriate, and am even contemplating putting my Christmas music on my iPod, just in case the mood strikes...

Happy Tuesday!
And remind me to write later about my Christmas spent in Taiwan...

Are YOU a closet sucker, too?????